


Then there is complicity

by Dryiceshizuku



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - College/University, Childhood Friends, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Overthinking, Slow Burn, but in this town we have some kaisoo too, but not really, chicken tender, just soft boys, ok not gonna lie this is a really soft story, soft!Chanyeol, soft!baekhyun, tender love, the main couple is chanbaek, they're studying pedagogy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2019-09-14 15:28:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16915497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dryiceshizuku/pseuds/Dryiceshizuku
Summary: Chanyeol and Baekhyun have a - to put it in a way - quite special relationship. There's just something about the other that makes each of them avoid each other as if a sense of rivalry existed between the two. Little do they know that those confusing feelings are nothing but a facade to hide some deeper emotions, buried on their memories. Or maybe they've already known that for a long time.





	1. Clair de lune

Noise. Sweet, soothing noise. It has always been difficult to identify what’s the origin of a sound when one is still fighting between gaining consciousnesses again and continue dreaming about your ideal life with no worries to deal with. Chanyeol didn’t have enough time to choose the best option for this morning because he was already opening his eyes when he saw the little drops of rain waving at him through the closest window of the bedroom. He frowned at the sight, noticing even from his position in bed how raindrops were gaining strength every time he blinked at them as if encouraged by his gaze. He sighed. It wasn’t that he didn’t like rainy days. Quite the contrary in fact. Chanyeol enjoyed this type of weather the most because it enabled him to wear large sweaters and therefore made him feel all comfy and warm on the inside. It was just that this nice feeling usually came along with a nostalgic vibe, which he couldn’t really understand. It was a big mystery to him how these days could make him long for something he couldn’t really put a name on and at the same time make him feel like home wasn’t a place but something or someone. As if he was _longing for someone_. Perhaps one day he would understand why.

\-------

“Who would have thought it was going to rain this much today, Soo,” Jongin said while looking at Kyungsoo with heavy eyes, and waving lazily at Chanyeol’s direction, who had arrived just at time for the three of them to walk together to class as they did every morning. Kyungsoo acknowledged Chanyeol’s presence with a polite nod and leaded the way to the familiar Monday morning classroom.

This was the daily routine of Chanyeol. Living near the university where he studied did have its pros and cons, he had thought many times, as it allowed him to sleep in and to walk to uni instead of wasting money on transportation as other people did. But this was exactly the same reason why he always walked in a hurry to arrive just before his friends would leave for class. ‘Mom didn’t tell me living this close would alter my perception of time for god’s sake’ Chanyeol had said a little too loud with a pout on his face while walking late through the streets of a cold city on the first day of his new university life. Weeks had passed since that day, but not a thing had changed since then, unfortunately. Or maybe it wasn’t related to luck but to his decisions in life. Ok, maybe it was his fault. He didn’t think much of it anyways.

“Where’s Sehun?” Chanyeol asked nonchalantly, now feeling less sleepy that when he had arrived. Just as he said that the group of boys heard some heavy steps coming from behind them at a fast but steady speed. Wait. Was that a green beret?

“Oof, I thought I wouldn’t make it on time” the lanky boy eagerly said when his friends looked at him with poker faces, what was usual when it came to Sehun and his whole existence. A fond smile had formed on Chanyeol’s face at this point.

“Sehun, listen. I don’t want to come out as rude or anything but why are you wearing a beret?” he had asked as soon as they arrived at the classroom, walking to the same spot where they would sit every time they had classes there.

“And a green one,” Jongin added after he placed his belongings on the table, stretching his arms in the air. Kyungsoo limited to sit quietly as his friends continued judging Sehun, laughing softly at their goofiness. Sehun never seemed to understand why his friends laughed at him and his sense of style.

“I don’t know. I saw this one on Yesstyle the other day, and I thought it would look great with today’s outfit. Does it look bad?” he had rushed to say the last question, showing less confidence now that he had done before.

Chanyeol noticed the insecurity in his voice. It didn’t matter if his friend’s fashion sense was odd, he didn’t have the heart to make him or anyone feel bad about themselves. He could never do that.

“No, no, you look great Sehun,” Chanyeol reassured him. “Actually, I would like to wear something like that one of these days.” He grinned at his old friend, avoiding the thought of that 'what are those' popular vine that reached his mind immediately after saying that last phrase. Not much had changed since they first became close friends. ‘Some things remain the same even when changing’ he had thought.

The teacher voice came to stop his sudden reminiscence and brought him back to reality. Chanyeol blamed today’s weather for his current weird mood. He just wanted to spend this freezing day at home, watching Ghibli movies while drinking hot chocolate until he would get tired of resting and would go to sleep early. God, that would be a perfect day. Why couldn’t he be in a Ghibli movie? He felt like Howl right now.

“Okay students, I gave you more than enough time for your classmates to arrive on time, but I can’t keep waiting for them. It’s time to start today’s lesson-“

“Good morning Mr. Joo!” was clearly heard along with a loud slam coming from the classroom’s door, surprising and scaring everyone at the same time.

“How many times do I have to tell you, Mr. Byun, to wake up earlier so you can be on time before you listen to me?” Mr. Joo’s slighted irritated voice had scolded the boy who had just entered the classroom and was now moving through it looking for a free seat. He finally settled for one at the back of the room.

“I promise this will be the last time,” the boy had said between laughs, trying to look serious but failing in his attempt. With shining eyes, the boy had quickly glanced and smiled at every single student present in the room, carefree of his environment and unmoved by how he was interrupting the class even more. At least that was until his eyes met a certain student’s eyes. Chanyeol’s eyes.

Chanyeol caught a glimpse of the cheerful boy’s gaze on him before said boy looked away. He didn’t dare to look at him again either.

\-------

**03/12/2018**

_(08:20) Don’t think I didn’t see how the two of you looked at each other._

(08:20) What-

_(08:21) Come on Chanyeol, you know what I’m talking about._

(08:21) I’m sorry Soo but I’m trying to pay attention to Mr. Joo K bye

_(08:22) I CAN’T BELIEVE you are doing this again. When will you tell me what happened between you and Byun?_

(08:24) Soo using memes? Right in front of my salad? I’m calling the police

_(08:25) Chanyeol…_

(08: 29) Ok ok, I’m sorry I guess. I just don’t have anything to say tbh :( 

_(08:32) Did the two of you get into a fight in the past? Did any of you start to gossip about the other? It just confuses me so much how you are nice with everyone but him. And the same can be said about him with you._

(08:35) Soo… I-I just don’t know how to explain it. I’m sorry

_(08:36) Ok, don’t worry. I won’t ask again. Anyways, are you eating lunch with us today? I cooked enough food for two people._

(08:38) Thank you Soo~ share it with Jongin tho!!

(08:39) I’ll just buy a snack so I can go finish last week assignment for the English literature class 

_(08:40) …_

_(08:40) Did you waste your time watching Kiki’s delivery service again?_

(08:41) Spent*

(08:41) and yes. 

(08:41) Hey Soo, someone’s getting jealous of our lil chat~

_(08:42) GTG._

(08:42) cute ^^

\-------

“Chanyeol? Soo told us you were going to the library because you didn’t finish that English literature homework.” Jongin was picking up his things and leaving Mr. Joo’s class with the group of boys by his side, curiously waiting at Chanyeol’s answer.

Sehun raised an eyebrow. “Dude, even _I_ finished that homework on time. I didn’t know it was a Chanyeol thing to forget- wait, are you skipping lunch?”

“Are you perhaps homesick?” the shortest of the group had asked next, carefully so he wouldn’t touch a sensitive topic for the emotional giant that was his friend. “Or are you perhaps _in love_?”

Chanyeol suddenly felt dizzy for some reason. Why were his friends asking so many questions? And why did they ask if he was in love? How could they ask that if they knew he was single and when he hadn’t mentioned anyone in so long? Wasn’t that a little too much?

“Where did all those questions come from guys?” he questioned, trying hard not to show the annoyance that was growing on his face as he spoke. “I’m doing fine!”

Kyungsoo, Jongin, and Sehun glared at each other, reading each other minds and agreeing on making the tall dork believe they were buying his lies. None of the boys were aware at the time that a group of people was walking behind them close enough to hear whatever they were talking about.

\-------

“Are you sure you don’t want to copy my homework? I don’t mind Yeol.” Sehun was rubbing his hands together, looking for some heat source to warm him before he could pass out in this cold weather.

“Thank you Sehunnie, but it’s my fault for procrastinating in the first place. It won’t take me too long, however, as I read the book some weeks ago.”

“Oh, so you’re not using Sparknotes?”

Chanyeol was carrying his cheap lunch with a hand and waving Sehun goodbye with the free one. He placed the sandwich on his bag on his way to the library, hurrying so he could finally be alone with nothing but his thoughts. He didn’t mind actually.

The truth is that Chanyeol had always been a soft and thoughtful guy.

Chanyeol was the youngest in his family. With an older sister who made him play the kind of games she would usually play with her girlfriends and two caring parents who always cared to teach him values since a young age, Chanyeol had grown up with a pure heart and a mindset that made him see the good in every person he met, becoming a boy who wasn’t afraid of showing his soft side. He was always the first one to cheer a sad classmate by giving them “free hugs,” as he liked to call them, just as he was also the first one to cry when something made him upset. In a sense, he was a fearless ball of emotions, unafraid of expressing how much and how deep he felt about every experience in life. No one would have thought his best feature would also be his biggest fear.

Chanyeol could still remember the day he had seen that hurt stray dog under the rain.

He was returning from school with a smirk on his face, feeling proud of his performance on the almost impossible math test he had just finished on time when he suddenly heard what it seemed to be a whimper. At the age of 11, Chanyeol was still a little chubby kid who wore eyeglasses, so it took him some time until he finally found the little dog hiding in a corner thanks to his low pace and blurry sight. He had wanted to bring him home, giving him all the love the droopy eye puppy deserved but he knew they wouldn’t allow him to because of his allergies. He didn’t know what to do at the moment, knowing he couldn’t help the little friend even if he wanted to. His tears accompanied the raindrops that fell on his face during that afternoon, leaving no trace of the smile he was wearing before.

He felt afraid of his own nature since that day.

‘Ok, you still have an hour before your next class. You can do this’ was part of Chanyeol’s inner speech. He had promised himself he would watch another Ghibli movie tonight if he finished the homework on time. That was part of his resolution. The other part would probably involve popcorn and candies. His thoughts were interrupted by some strident voices, however. Why people would speak this loud on a library was something Chanyeol hadn’t figured out yet. He raised his head so he could properly identify the little rascals that were behind that riot at such a civilized place. He froze. What was he doing there?

A group of boys equally in number to Chanyeol’s group was leading straight to the seats in front of him, shamelessly throwing their stuff over the now reserved table. The one that looked like a single father who’s begging his children for a minute of silence was Junmyeon. Chanyeol didn’t know much about Suho, as all his classmates liked to call him, apart from the fact that he was considered a natural leader by everyone in this uni. Suho was everywhere; he was in charge of standing against the injustice of some teachers in the representation of his classmates, sharing the points of views of all the pedagogy students that lacked that strong leadership that was needed in those cases. That was the reason why a lot of people admired him, and Chanyeol wasn’t the exception.

The two guys arguing about who should start the project first were Jongdae and Minseok, the yet-to-be-official couple who everyone knew as a couple. When Chanyeol first met Jongdae during the first week of class, the first word that came to his mind to describe the other boy was loud, only realizing how he always looked like a loud person just because he was always with his friends. He would then found out how quiet and well behaved Jongdae could be, whenever he wasn’t near his closest friends. Chanyeol had also heard how good of a singer he was, but he hadn’t heard him yet so he couldn’t tell how true that rumor was. On the other hand, Minseok was the oldest and the most intelligent of them all. He was always the one to get the highest grades in every subject and being the nice guy that he was, he never minded helping whoever asked him for some help. Rumor has it the two guys had met during their high school days when they happened to be classmates, becoming inseparable friends since then. Just by looking at how much they annoyed each other and how much they cared about the other someone could easily tell there was more than friendship in game.

And then, right in the middle of a battlefield between the formalities found in old books and the liveliness present in the youth, _there was Baekhyun_. Wasn’t it all about him?

Baekhyun was oblivious to Chanyeol’s gaze on him, walking through the library with a list in his hands perhaps looking for some books to do a project. By being immersed in Baekhyun presence, Chanyeol failed to see who was coming in his direction with a suspicious smirk and before Chanyeol could think of anything else that wasn’t the person who had caught his attention, Jongdae had already sat in the seat in front of him, offering Chanyeol a wide smile.

“Hey, Chanyeol! Long time no see!”

“Hi, Jongdae. Actually, we just saw each other today at class but is nice seeing you again,” Chanyeol laughed shyly so he wouldn’t come out as rude to his classmate.

“I guess you’re right about that, but you know that one should always feel grateful to spend some quality time with their classmate, don’t you?”

“Well, I guess you’re right too.” Ok, Chanyeol wasn’t getting the point in Jongdae’s approach here. Did he need something from him? He didn’t want to think badly about his lighthearted classmate, but it was unusual for them to talk outside the classroom about anything non-university related. Chanyeol would happily accept if Jongdae needed some help for homework, but he had Minseok with him, so why bother asking an almost stranger when he had his boyfriend to teach him? Chanyeol felt suddenly jealous at this thought. How nice it must be to have a wise boyfriend. Or a girlfriend. Who was he kidding, definitely a boyfriend.

“So, what are you doing here all by yourself? Why aren’t your friends with you?” he had asked the giant student, expectant to his answer.

Chanyeol shrugged, raising his gaze to the ceiling as if it contained the right words to say at the moment. “I didn’t work on my literature essay from last week, so I came here to finish it,” he said ashamed. Chanyeol wasn’t the type of student who liked to procrastinate every time he could, but he couldn’t help it lately. He felt demotivated for some unknown reason.

Strangely, Jongdae’s smile grew even wider –if that was possible- as if he had been waiting for that answer. “I love pride and prejudice! My favorite book of all times! Wait, that was the book we had to write an essay on, wasn’t it? I can help you!” he shouted and stood up before Chanyeol’s hand grabbed him by the shoulder and put him back in the seat and into his senses.

“Don’t get me wrong Jongdae, I’d love if you helped me, but that’s my responsibility. I can’t bother other people into my-“

“Oh come on, you’re not killing anyone, it’s just an essay. If you have problems with that tho, I can share my thoughts about the book with you so you can get some inspiration and finish this shit sooner. Take this as a little favor, would you? Sometimes we need to help a friend,” he winked after saying it.

“I- I’m not sure but if you say it’s okay, then it is. Thanks, Jongdae, I really appreciate it,” he said with a small grin.

As agreed, Jongdae and Chanyeol started a conversation about all the crucial topics developed in the narrative and how important it had been that even hundreds of years after its released it was still considered as one of the must-read books from all times. While Chanyeol was taking notes, he thought about how Jongdae wasn’t keen on reading classic books as he had overheard the other say in one literature class. What Chanyeol didn’t know was that a few seats away from his there was a person looking back at him with stars in the eyes and fondness on the lips.

And as soon as the pair finished their passionate dialogue about Jane Austen’s masterpiece, a familiar voice called Jongdae’s name to leave the library. In a matter of seconds, Chanyeol saw Jongdae whisper a soft _you’re welcome_ and watched him join the other boys who followed Baekhyun to the entrance of the library. The last thing Chanyeol saw in that exact moment was a smiley Baekhyun looking at the sky while disappearing from his view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Ok so this is my first fanfic ever and it's in English. Well, I'm not an English speaker so please forgive me if there's any mistake on this story and I'm also sorry for not adding more vocabulary. Maybe in the future, I'll be able to create more advanced stories with a wider vocab that more people can enjoy. Also, I recommend listening to the title music to set the mood before reading each chapter, but it's your choice after all!  
> With that being said, I hope that at least one person can have a good time reading this short and sweet story. I'm having a good time myself writing it (: Have a good week


	2. Carnival of the animals - the swan

One would think that coming home after a long day would make anyone feel better when in a bad mood, but that wasn’t exactly the case with Chanyeol. The idea of lying in bed had been in his head all day long, but now that he was finally in his bedroom he didn’t feel any different than how he had been feeling before arriving.

He opted to take a shower in order to ease his mind. Maybe all he needed, at least at this moment, was to feel warm water running through his muscles. The mere idea of it made him feel less tense already, so he rushed to the bathroom after picking up his phone. As always, he would put his –while taking a shower- playlist, which contained only soft acoustic music so he could get lost in his thoughts for once during the day. As the water came in contact with his body, he immediately started humming to the melody of the current song. He felt dizzy all over again, and he wasn’t sure he could only blame it on the steam. 

After drying his hair and brushing his teeth, Chanyeol went to bed eagerly. He felt anxious about falling asleep as soon as possible, and he really didn’t know why. Perhaps he was just tired, and his mind was not fond of the idea of analyzing everything that happened today. But as minutes started passing by without getting sleepy, he couldn’t help but replay today’s events in his head. This was going to be a long night.

‘What was he doing there?’ was the first question to come to his mind. Now that he was willing to recall everything, he knew the memories from the past would all come back like a swift flood.

It felt like he was 10 again.

He found himself suddenly looking out of the window, searching for a peace of mind while all the noise around him fought to catch his attention as it always did. He was lucky his teacher had assigned him that seat next to the window, he had thought back then, that way he could mind his own business instead of joining his mischievous classmates on their antics typical to that age. Chanyeol was a fun kid - or so he considered himself - but he wasn’t the noisy type of kid that most of his classmates were so he would usually spend his time drawing little doodles on his notebook without getting involved in the continuous conversations around him. He didn’t dislike any of his classmates; he just preferred to live in his own world. It had been that way for some years now, and he felt incredibly comfortable like that. 

That was until the teacher cleared his throat that day and informed the class there would be some changes related to their seats. He decided not to worry too much as he knew what would happen regardless of who his new seatmate would be: they wouldn’t pay attention to him. He only cared about keeping his seat anyways.

As the students selected by the teacher began walking around looking for their new places, Chanyeol realized his now former seatmate had taken her things and had started walking away from him when a familiar face appeared on his view with a contagious grin on the face. His new seatmate was waving at him while placing his bag beside him. 

“Hi, I’m Baekhyun.”

Chanyeol blinked twice while looking at the kid beside him. He didn’t expect any of his classmates to be kind to him as they would avoid him whenever they could, but he couldn’t really blame them entirely because of how isolated he had decided to be. However, here was this small kid trying to start a conversation with him. He remembered him though.

“Hi, I’m Chanyeol!” he answered quickly, aware of his sudden nervousness around the other boy. 

“I know that already,” Baekhyun gave him a little smile while picking up his pink pencil case and bringing a black pen to his mouth. He placed it on the corner of his lips as he spoke to him.

“I introduced myself because I thought you didn’t know me maybe.” Chanyeol frowned at the comment because, how could he not know him? They were classmates after all. Yes, Baekhyun had just entered the school this year, so he was still kind of like the new kid in town, but that didn’t mean nobody knew him. And there was also the fact that he was the clown of the class who had taken the big responsibility of making jokes all the time and making people laugh at whatever he did. It was impossible not to notice him.

Chanyeol must have had an interesting expression because Baekhyun poked his right shoulder with his pen to catch his attention again. He was looking at him with shiny eyes, excited to keep the conversation going.

“Is it okay with you if we talk during class? I’ve seen you like to be quiet but I like to talk a lot, and I have this feeling we- I think we could get along really well! Just tell me if I’m being too much!”

Baekhyun was staring at him as if he was in front of a new adventure, eager to start something new as if he had nothing to lose. Chanyeol thought he looked like a cute puppy as the littlest of the smiles formed on his lips. 

“Ok.”

Neither of them noticed how the rest of the students, as well as the teacher, were leaving the classroom for the recess.

\-------

 _“Psst! Chanyeol~”_ the puppy-like-boy had whispered while keeping his gaze on the board as the history teacher wrote some –did you know- facts about the topic. _“I wanna show you something.”_ He then pointed at the white eraser placed on top of his notebook, putting the black pen at the corner of his lips as he gave a quick look at Chanyeol before writing down the notes. He was pouting, Chanyeol noticed, but he didn’t look sad. 

Chanyeol decided to stop writing for a while and take a look at what the kid wanted to show him. He looked at Baekhyun first, as if asking for consent to pick up the eraser and after receiving a nod from the short boy he turned it around. 

The eraser had two big eyes drawn on it, and Chanyeol thought they looked surprisingly familiar. 

_“W-why did you do it?”_ he whispered back, returning the eraser to his owner who was trying not to laugh.

_“You see, I’ve never been good with taking care of my school supplies, and I’m used to losing everything at the end of the week, so my mom always scolds me for this. But last week my cousin told me that if I add a personal touch to my school supplies, it will be easier to keep them. I’ve decided to give it a try and see how it goes. So, what do you think?”_

Honestly, he didn’t know whether that was a good idea or not, but the look on the other’s face was so cheerful he had no other option than agreeing on his logic.

 _“I… think it could work,”_ he said as he gave Baekhyun a polite nod, gaining a smile from the latter. He wanted to ask him if those eyes on the eraser were his, considering the similar shape they shared. He didn’t want to embarrass himself if that wasn’t the case and he was wrong, but he knew the boy sitting beside him wouldn’t laugh at him. 

_“Baekhyun”_ he snorted, fidgeting with the sleeves of his sweater while attempting to focus on keeping his heartbeat normal but failing nonetheless.

 _“A-are those, p-perhaps my eyes?”_ he had said a little louder than expected, feeling his palms getting sweaty at the realization. 

Incredibly though, Baekhyun looked a bit embarrassed too.

_“Yeah… I just thought you had some pretty eyes and we’re going to spend a lot of time together, so, well, I thought-“_

_“It’s ok. I can try doing the same on my eraser,”_ he quickly replied with confidence, an unknown emotion growing on his stomach.

 _“Would you do that?!”_ now was Baekhyun’s turn to reply louder than intended, what made both him and Chanyeol lower their heads after seeing the looks the other students were giving them.

Chanyeol didn’t understand why Baekhyun was interested in talking to him. Neither did he understand why he was starting to feel comfortable with him but he could tell it was nice having someone like Baekhyun by his side. It had just been a week since they became seatmates and Chanyeol wasn’t so sure if he preferred being the way he was before Baekhyun started sitting next to him anymore. His new friend was waiting for him to answer, so he stopped overthinking to fulfill his wish.

_“Yep, I want to test your theory too.”_

_“And what are you going to draw then?”_

_“Your eyes.”_

\-------

A couple of weeks had passed since then, and the two boys continued sharing quiet words to each other so the teachers wouldn’t scold them for not paying attention to the class. Baekhyun had started drawing little doodles on Chanyeol’s notebook after he found his creations, leaving him with no choice but giving Baekhyun free access to the last page of each of his notebooks. 

In return, Baekhyun would give Chanyeol access to look at the comics he always brought to school in case he wasn’t in the mood to play around with his friends during recess and preferred an activity that required him to spend less energy. Chanyeol knew such thing was an honor, not because he felt it that way at the beginning but because Baekhyun himself had told him later how important those were to him and how he was doing an exception by sharing his treasures with him.

Chanyeol definitely felt honored after hearing this from his friend and said friend might have found something funny on Chanyeol’s face because of how big his smile became at that moment. 

Two months had passed after they became seatmates and Chanyeol had started to open up to the world around him, little by little. 

He wasn’t alone during recess anymore as he finally accepted to play with Baekhyun and some of his friends outside the classroom and when he didn’t feel like going outside, they would stay in the classroom with him sharing some funny stories or playing charades. He wasn’t as shy as he was before and he struggled less when talking to new people. Chanyeol was enjoying his school life for the first time while developing social skills at the same time, and he could feel nothing but relief. Relief for his mom because he could finally give her long answers when she asked him what he did on school. 

Sadly, young Chanyeol never thanked anyone for helping him to open up to the people around him as he didn’t know how crucial this period of his life had been. But his future version would surely know who the person that changed him for the better was. 

\-------

“Chanyeol-ah!” Baekhyun shouted as he entered the classroom while lifting what it looked like a book with one hand and using the other one to apart the tables on his way. 

“Eung,” Chanyeol answered with a confused tone. He didn’t understand where Baekhyun’s sudden enthusiasm came from, but he guessed it had to be related to what his friend was bringing with him.

“Chanyeol-ah, do you remember Taemin? My friend from the other class? Well, we met on our way to the bathroom, and after he told me about this manga he brought to school I asked him if I could borrow it for today and he said yes! Isn’t that amazing?” he almost shouted from the excitement as he jumped through the way to his seat.

Chanyeol felt something in his stomach when he looked at Baekhyun smiling at him. It was becoming a habit these days, but he still didn’t know why. “You look really happy, Baekhyun-ah. Is it that good?” 

“Oh, I haven’t read it yet because I wanted us to read it together, but I can tell by looking at the cover that it is.” he frowned, confused at his own words.

There it was that odd feeling again. Baekhyun had come closer to him so they could read at the same time without problems and he could feel his heart beating faster than 1 minute ago. He needed to inform his mom about this. He made a mental note so he wouldn’t continue risking his life for more days because his heartbeat had become unstable for some time now and he couldn’t be irresponsible with his health. He also needed to say something to Baekhyun, and he needed to do it now because said boy was looking at him as if expecting an answer. But Chanyeol seemed to only have questions that day.

“I’m sorry, did you ask something?”

“Well, I-“ he couldn’t finish his sentence because they were now two boys in front of Chanyeol and Baekhyun with clenched fists and frowns on their faces.

Chanyeol didn’t know any of those kids. He didn’t know either why they looked so mad at him, but by reading at their body language he could tell he needed to be careful, so he looked at Baekhyun’s direction instinctively, looking for help. And Baekhyun was looking at him already.

He gave Chanyeol a quick look, what he could read as a ‘don’t worry; I got this’ look, and he felt his body relax a little. 

“Hi, I’m Baekhyun and he’s Chanyeollie, my friend. Do you need something?” he had asked with wide eyes directed at the two kids in front.

“Yeah, your friend stole my manga, so we came to get it back!” one of the kids shouted as he banged his fist on the table. The other kid just nodded.

Chanyeol was sweating by now, trying to formulate the right sentence in his brain to explain he didn’t steal the kid’s manga and help his friend who was speaking for him.

_“I- I did- didn’t-“_

Baekhyun stood up with a cold expression. “Chanyeollie didn’t steal anything. It happens I own this same manga and I lent it to a friend of mine who goes to your class. During today’s recess, I went to check if my friend had brought my manga and when I entered your classroom I saw it on a table and I picked it up believing it was mine. I’m sorry for the misunderstanding, but I didn’t know it was yours. Here, take it” he said while picking the manga from Chanyeol’s hands and placing one of his hands where the object was before. 

The angry kids were now speechless and just thanked Baekhyun before leaving hurriedly as their recess was ending.

Chanyeol couldn’t say a word, still nervous about the confrontation that took place moments ago but also timid by seeing the hand that was holding his. 

Baekhyun had sat beside him again and was moving his thumb around his hand in a soothing way, drawing circles on his skin. Chanyeol guessed it was to calm him down, but it didn’t help to stop his nervousness. So he said the only thing that he could think of that didn’t involve him or his crazy emotions.

“Why did you lie about your friend?” he whispered, embarrassed of asking **that** question when he could have asked many other ones more important and relevant to him and his feelings.

“Well, I didn’t want my friend to get into trouble so I came with the first excuse I could think of. I didn’t have time to think of anything else though; I had to get them away from you!” he sighed loudly as he closed his eyes.

Chanyeol took the opportunity to look at his face, appreciating how cute his friend was now that he paid close attention to him. He blinked twice when Baekhyun opened his eyes to look at him with tired eyes. He cleared his throat. 

“You don’t have to, Baekkie. You don’t have to get yourself into trouble for me. I’m sorry, I-“

“And you don’t have to apologize, Channie,” he replied before Chanyeol could continue his sentence, looking at him with fondness and a smile that reached his eyes.

“Besides, I felt really scared when I thought someone could hurt you,” he breathed shakily, dropping his eyes to their entwined hands. 

Baekhyun took a deep breath before looking at Chanyeol again, and Chanyeol saw a blushing Baekhyun he hadn’t seen in the past before he forced his eyes to look at the droopy ones in front of him.

“From now on, I will protect you Chanyeol. Whenever you need me.”

Chanyeol had to remind himself how to breathe because his lungs weren’t getting enough air when he replied to the boy next to him.

“Thank you, Baekhyun-ah.”

\-------

Chanyeol’s phone was vibrating on his bedside table when he woke up from his reminiscence, alerting him it was time to do something he couldn’t remember right now, but it might be important if he took the time to set his alarm for it. Maybe it was about his unfinished literature essay, but he had finished it earlier today, so he stopped the alarm and decided to go for a cup of tea now that he was on his feet again. 

He didn’t realize it was raining again until he went to the kitchen, looking at the open window that was enabling the raindrops to come into his home, allowing them to meet Chanyeol’s blue mood once again. Was it going to rain all week? What for? 

He didn’t hurry when preparing his tea. Instead, his movements became slow, and he walked lazily to his bedroom with a warm cup in his hands after he turned off the kitchen’s light.

While he sat at the corner of the bed, he thought he didn’t feel as lonely as he did the last time he saw the noisy visitors waving through the window. He felt cozy while remembering his past and how much he had changed since then. How much he changed thanks to Baekhyun. 

After that school year ended, they never got to sit together again.

Baekhyun had told Chanyeol during the last day of school how he would travel with his mom during the holidays so they wouldn’t be able to visit each other during that time. Chanyeol swore he saw a sad Baekhyun that day, less talkative than usual, but he tried to stay positive so he assured the other they would see each other soon. 

By the time the new school year had begun, the students were assigned to different seats, and Chanyeol and Baekhyun turned to sit at extreme opposites from each other, leaving little place to interact as they did before. They continued playing from time to time during recess, but Chanyeol was more into interacting with other people now he didn’t have much trouble to speak with his new seatmates and Baekhyun did the same. Soon enough, they created different friend circles, and by the time the school year was coming to an end, Chanyeol and Baekhyun had stopped hanging out together. Chanyeol didn’t like to admit it, but he missed Baekhyun a little too much. The problem was that Baekhyun had seemed to change during the year, his light less bright than before, and so he felt unsure of how to approach him, afraid of not being welcome anymore. 

When they both were on the last year of high school, Chanyeol and Baekhyun had become complete strangers. They both had different friends, and so they shared different interests. Chanyeol would hang out with people who were into music and Baekhyun with people who were into games. He didn’t know much about his life apart from that fact, because his class was never united and so each student just minded their business. 

It was during one of the last days of high school when he overheard Baekhyun telling one of his friends he would study pedagogy when they were on the line of the cafeteria, chocking at the sudden confession. He remembered the bottle of water Baekhyun placed in front of his purple face after he saw him fighting for air, asking if he was okay. Chanyeol couldn’t reply properly, because he was dying from not having enough air in his lungs and from embarrassment at the same time. Therefore, he only gave Baekhyun a thumb up while running out of the line.

That was the way he found out he and his old friend would study the same thing. They had been on the same classes since they first met and now they were going to follow the same path. 

Destiny sure had something with them, Chanyeol thought while sipping from his tea.

He placed the now empty cup on top of his bedside table, next to his phone. He lay down on his back, looking sleepily at the ceiling. The tea had luckily left him somnolent. Chanyeol closed his eyes, and before he fell asleep, he saw nothing but pink and two droopy eyes smiling at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's day! I hope everyone reading this story has a great time reading this chapter. Have a nice week (:


	3. The very thought of you

Living has always consisted of experiencing many stressful events one after the other, what usually leads people to feel the necessity to list the few simple pleasures one can find in life so every morning can bring a sense of hope when there seems to be none. It was a subjective matter with no apparent logical order so everyone could place whatever they preferred as their number one on the list. Some would say it was eating while others stated it was sleeping. It could easily be a never-ending debate. But what about stretching after waking up? Anyone on their right mind would know how good life was after some morning stretches, similar to the feeling of waking up earlier than you should and going back to sleep again. Luckily, both magical pleasures greeted Chanyeol that morning; only that this time he opted to drop the chance to return to his comfortable mattress.

The sun hadn’t set up yet, offering enough time to sit at the corner of the bed while staring at his feet for more than a few seconds. Chanyeol checked up his messages after turning off the alarm and seeing how many notifications he had. There were at least 5 from Sehun, 2 from Jongin and 1 from Kyungsoo, and all of them asked the same question: was he okay?

After thinking over and over again whether he should answer them immediately, he came with the conclusion that it was still too early for a reply and that the best option would be to delay it. He didn’t want to wake up his friends for nothing, even if it meant something for him. He didn’t know how to tell anyone about what he was feeling anyway. He would be lying if he said he didn't think how much the lyrics of the song ‘Wonderwall’ fitted his emotional state and how unoriginal he felt for this.

It was unusual for him to be up at this time when he didn’t have to go to university in the morning, but there was a reason for it. Mr. Joo had asked the class to investigate the different teaching approaches applied in the majority of the local schools, suggesting going to the municipal library for better results. That would explain why an hour after that first-morning stretch Chanyeol was walking on a deserted city with nothing but his laptop bag, his house keys - and well - his laptop. 

He would notice on his way to the library how he was the only ghost wandering at that area when everyone in town seemed to be resting at the afterlife at those moments as if he was now walking into a liminal space, unknown to his memory. That feeling accompanied him during the whole road and stayed with him even when he reached his final destination. Was this how Chihiro felt during her trip? He could easily be the main character of a Ghibli movie if Miyazaki saw him right now regardless of being a boy rather than a girl. 

The place was completely empty apart from the presence of the librarian, who was so silent that it didn’t make much difference. Chanyeol didn’t need to go for the seats at the back because of how many better options he had, but he did out of habit. He turned on the laptop after adjusting his grey hoodie for one last time before he would have to focus on the task for more time than he would want to. But wait. His teacher told them to go to the library because they would get better results, so why was he logging on his computer when he hadn’t even look for info where he was supposed to? 

“Wow,” he said with a blank stare. ”I’m an idiot.”

More than an hour had passed since he arrived and Chanyeol had gathered more than 70% of the information required to finish the homework. He was proud of himself for stopping his procrastination one more time and almost achieving the task goal. Just when he had made up his mind to leave and continue working later that day, he heard someone coming to the library. It was weird to think someone could hear anyone entering that place, but considering how lonely he had felt since he stepped out of his house and how no soul had encountered his on the way it wasn’t crazy to notice the subtle noises that attempted to disturb the silence. 

He tilted his head to the left to try to catch a glimpse of the newcomer, licking his lips in anticipation to know who dared to come out of their den on such a day. Nothing had prepared him though to watch the sunshine itself leaving its footsteps a few meters away from him. What were the odds of meeting Baekhyun of all the people?

Chanyeol stared at the boy with wide eyes, swallowing with difficulty as he tried to decide what to do with his hands. 

Fortunately for Chanyeol, Baekhyun paid little attention to his surroundings, so he walked straight to the seats placed at the beginning of the room, and even with the considerable distance between the two Chanyeol could see the tiredness behind Baekhyun’s eyes. He thought the brunette boy wasn’t a morning person because of how many times he had already yawned in the last two minutes he had been there. 

He saw Baekhyun wiping his tears away with the back of his hand while looking at the ceiling with half-closed eyes and pouting; all this while Chanyeol admired him with some slightly parted lips. It was like he was under a spell, unwilling to look at anything that wasn’t Baekhyun.

Over the years they had known each other, Chanyeol had to get used to the feeling of being so close yet so far from Baekhyun, avoiding all the possible interactions they could have had if he wasn’t a coward. Nonetheless, that was a completely different case to being in a room with no one but them. They and the librarian, of course. 

Right now, Chanyeol had the opportunity to talk to Baekhyun with no one to interrupt them, with no one to judge them as they spoke, asking themselves why those two were talking in the first place when they never really interacted in the past. 

As he looked at Baekhyun, his mind began to hit him with a lot of questions. What if he stood up and walked to Baekhyun, starting a conversation with him. 

Would he be happy to talk to Chanyeol? Maybe he felt too tired to speak to someone right now.

Would there be an awkward silence? After all, they hadn’t spoken to each other for so long so it would be normal. 

But most importantly. _Did the current Baekhyun consider Chanyeol as someone worthy of his affection?_

Everything had changed so much since they were 10 that Chanyeol didn’t know what to think anymore. He could tell the old Baekhyun cared for him a lot because he wasn’t afraid of expressing his fondness at any time he could. But more than a decade after distancing themselves sure had affected the way Chanyeol thought of his friend, realizing with the pass of the years that his feelings for the shorter had always involved more than a friendship and respect. But Baekhyun wasn’t the same one he knew and fell in love with, now colder and harder to reach. He was sure something happened to his friend to change, but he didn’t know that then. He just realized too late to help.

He came back to reality when he heard a loud knock on a table and a pained scream. All the sadness felt for the last ten minutes disappeared when he saw who the one behind the sudden noise was. A disoriented Baekhyun was repeatedly blinking after waking himself up from hitting his head on the table and confusingly rubbing his head while muttering curses at himself.

Chanyeol couldn’t help but giggle at the sight he was witnessing, but just as he covered his mouth with both hands to keep any possible sound leaving his lips, Baekhyun looked at his direction. He had been discovered. 

They stared at each other for a few seconds that felt like minutes, with a paralyzed Chanyeol covering his mouth and with an open-mouthed Baekhyun who then caught himself on the act and swallowed hard. This made Chanyeol wake up from his enchantment and become self-aware of his behavior.

How the tables have turned because he was now trying to look at anything but Baekhyun, avoiding eye contact under all costs while scanning the room for anything interesting to stare until Baekhyun would decide this was too much of a torture for him and would leave him all alone again. 

After one minute of failing at finding somewhere to look at, Chanyeol decided to quickly check if the sunshine had already left the room or if it had chosen to stay, pretending nothing had happened. He took a deep breath before returning his gaze where it had been a minute ago. 

He wasn't expecting to see how Baekhyun's eyes were still on him, trying to contain his laughter. It began with a smirk, and it ended with a crackle. Chanyeol felt the need of joining the happy mess in front of him. 

It was such a peaceful moment they shared, laughing at each other for being the silliest boys in the world. Or that was until the forgotten librarian came to the scene and ruined Chanyeol’s momentary happiness for the sake of the library’s silence. What for? He sure didn’t know because they were the only guests anyway. 

As Chanyeol and Baekhyun looked at each other between laughs while the old man was scolding them, they agreed on leaving the place without words. 

Once outside, both boys busted out laughing, clapping and kicking anything on their way. They took some time to collect themselves after the euphoria ended before they spoke.

“So,” Baekhyun was the first one to speak, looking less confident now that the moment had passed, “what brings you here this early?”

Chanyeol stared down at his hands, encouraging himself to speak to the person he had wanted to talk with the most for the last few years.

“Well, you see, Mr. Joo recommended going the library to gather information for the teaching approaches homework, so I thought it would be a good idea if I started working right away… I didn’t want to procrastinate anymore,” he said while still staring at his hands.

“Oh, so how long had you been there before I arrived?”

Chanyeol hated himself for how anxious he was feeling right now but it was impossible to feel any other way, having the boy he would usually daydream about in front of him.

“I guess for about an hour.”

Chanyeol heard Baekhyun gasp loudly. Maybe joking was his way of breaking the ice and the thought of this made Chanyeol feel brave enough to look at the other’s eyes again.

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol murmured as he scratched his neck, “I didn’t know if it was okay to let you know I was there too-” 

Wow. He hadn’t been this close to Baekhyun in a long time, and now that he was, he found himself speechless at how cute his friend had become. He kept the same face but his facial features were sharper than before. Okay Chanyeol, focus.

When Chanyeol looked at him again he saw a Baekhyun lost in his thoughts, just like he had been a few seconds ago. Just when Chanyeol cleared his throat as an act to catch his attention again and stopping the awkward silence did Baekhyun return his gaze to him. 

“I just- didn’t know you were there. Otherwise, I would have sat with you,” Baekhyun said softly, giving Chanyeol a little smile.

Chanyeol blinked twice. If someone had told him they would be having this conversation someday, he would have thought they were cray cray. But there he was. So he said the first question he could think of, as sometimes happened to him.

“So you don’t mind?”

Now was Baekhyun’s turn to look puzzled.

“Of course I don’t, Chanyeol,” he said with a confused expression. 

Oh. They hadn’t addressed each other since forever, and Chanyeol didn’t know why the mere idea of calling each other’s names made him giggle. 

“Hey, what’s making you laugh Chanyeol?” the boy asked while he started laughing too, failing at keeping a serious face. 

Chanyeol didn’t know what was happening, but he couldn’t stop giggling after hearing Baekhyun saying his name. People would cringe so hard at seeing him right now, but he couldn’t care less because Baekhyun was addressing him and that was all that mattered. 

“I don’t know, _Baekhyun."_

He noticed how his last answer had hushed Baekhyun immediately, who after a few seconds with a poker face started giggling in the same way Chanyeol had done before, looking from his own feet to Chanyeol’s eyes again. 

Finally, after half a minute of more awkward interactions, Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol with determined eyes. 

_“Chanyeol,_ would you like going to a coffee shop right now?” Baekhyun had said tenderly, and maybe he sensed Chanyeol had stopped functioning because he quickly added, “as a short break, you know, because you had been working so hard before I arrived, and you know, I-“

“Yeah, yeah, of course, I would like to-“Chanyeol almost shouted in response- “go to a coffee shop. Haha, that would be great!” 

“Shall we go then? I know a really pretty place near this area, so there’s no need in taking the bus.” Baekhyun looked at his watch. “We should be there in 15 minutes or less.”

“Oh, it’s fine by me!”

Chanyeol’s heart was jumping so much he thought it would come out of his chest and end up in Baekhyun’s hands, just like the short film he watched some months ago. He had thought the plot of “Heartbeat” was the cutest, but now that it was happening to him it didn’t feel as cute as before. 

“Then it’s decided, let’s go!”

Chanyeol didn’t realize how fast he was walking and how nervous he was until he peeked at his side and saw no one walking next to him. He turned around and saw a tired Baekhyun struggling to catch up his speed, making Chanyeol grin with amusement. He knew there was no need to worry, so he waited until his friend was beside him again.

“I’m sorry. I will pay attention from now on.”

\-------

Once they arrived at the coffee shop selected by Baekhyun, they noticed there was only one couple inside. The place was large and spacious, but it kept a home environment with beautiful wooden furniture and lots of plants and flowers in each corner of the room. He recognized the Bossa Nova song playing as the background music, humming to the tune. Chanyeol had never been there before, or he would remember. If he had felt anxious to the point of throwing up before, he was now feeling better than ever. 

All the way from the library to the “Dawn” coffee shop, they had shared a comfortable silence. Chanyeol had asked Baekhyun why he had decided to go to the local library at 9 am on a Saturday and had learned that Jongdae was the genius behind that idea. He asked Baekhyun to go to the library to start working so he could continue later, as a favor he owed him. However, Baekhyun couldn’t keep his eyes open once he arrived, so he opted to take a power nap before searching for information. And the rest was history.

“So, did you like it? I’ve been here a couple of times before, and I figured out you would like the atmosphere as much as I do,” Baekhyun said after sitting up. 

“I do,” Chanyeol answered while looking around. “I never knew there was a place where I could listen to Bossa Nova and eat at the same time.”

“Bossa Nova?” he questioned with curious eyes.

“Yeah, it is like a Brazilian version of jazz in simple words,” Chanyeol said sheepishly.

“I see,” Baekhyun said as he leaned forward and narrowed his eyes. “So you like this genre of music?” 

“Eung, I’m a big fan. I heard it for the first time a few years ago, and since I’ve always loved Jazz and oldies, it didn’t take me much to download a few albums from the internet.”

A young girl interrupted their small talk, ready to take their order as she asked them what they wanted for breakfast. The waitress gave Baekhyun a friendly smile so Chanyeol assumed they knew each other from all the visits the boy must have done in the past. After deciding what they would have to eat, Chanyeol told himself it was time for him to lead the conversation.

“What about you Baekhyun? Are you really into any kind of music or are you more into other activities?” he asked. 

He already knew the answer, but Chanyeol wanted to hear him speak about what he liked. Wanted to see him light up while he explained how much he enjoyed gaming. 

It seemed that Baekhyun was oblivious to Chanyeol’s knowledge of his hobby because he didn’t waste time to speak about what kind of games he was playing these days with a passionate voice. Chanyeol limited to nod and mutter some “ I see” at the beginning, but Baekhyun kept asking Chanyeol for his opinion on the matter, leaving him with no choice but to share his point of view for every topic.

Having broken the ice a long time ago, they continued talking about whatever came to their minds at the moment. This casual date – as Chanyeol wanted to think as- was closer to being a ‘study date’ than a ‘let’s catch up after a long time’ date because of how much information they were learning from each other. Chanyeol could create a PowerPoint presentation with 100 slides naming all the facts he had learned from the brunette during the last hour, and he could continue adding slides without problems.

The empty cup that had been filled with hot chocolate before told Chanyeol it was time to end the meeting. While Baekhyun handed the waitress the money of their drinks –yes, because he had insisted on paying- Chanyeol started to get anxious, with lots of thoughts running through his mind.

He wanted to ask him why they had distanced themselves. He wanted to ask him what had happened to him to change in a way no one could notice but Chanyeol. He wanted to say sorry for not asking all those questions before, but he couldn’t. Even if he now knew that Baekhyun wasn’t as untouchable as he had thought before, he still didn’t know how important their past together had been to Baekhyun. How important their past together was for Baekhyun now.

How important it was for Chanyeol 11 years later.

Chanyeol knew today was an exception. He knew once this day ended, they would probably continue doing whatever they were doing before. 

They would continue avoiding each other.

They would continue talking to anyone but the other.

They would continue acting as if they hadn’t been friends before. And he felt miserable.

He wouldn’t even be able to hear Baekhyun addressing him one more time.

“Chanyeol?”

He gasped as he felt a hand on his right shoulder. His eyes flew open to look at the boy in front of him, who was leaning while squeezing Chanyeol’s arm in an attempt to comfort him. He hadn’t realized he was hugging himself until now, but Baekhyun sure did.

“Chanyeol, is there anything wrong?”

He wanted to disappear. He had embarrassed himself, and all he could do was stay still, speechless.

Chanyeol bit his lower lip before opening his mouth repeatedly just to end up saying nothing. He didn’t want to keep thinking, overwhelmed by his worry and his anxiety. He needed to breathe again. 

_“Is it time for Channie and Baekkie to kick some asses again?”_

This time, Chanyeol didn’t try to produce the right words to say at that moment. He realized the best thing to do right now was, to be honest. To show how vulnerable he felt.

Before the tears that had gathered in his eyes would come out, he closed his eyes slowly and smiled. He brought himself to say the words he had been dying to say.

“I’ve missed you Baekhyun.”

And the hand on his arm fell. 

Chanyeol panicked, and with wide-open eyes, he saw a teary-eyed Baekhyun.

“Chanyeol, I…”

They stared at each other for a while. The universe had stopped working for Chanyeol, looking at a boy who looked too conflicted to do anything. Another eternity happened until Baekhyun’s gaze lied on Chanyeol’s lips, and before Chanyeol could think of what this meant it was all over.

“I-I’m sorry Chanyeol, but there is something I need to do.”

Disappointment invaded Chanyeol’s body, but there was also hope somewhere else.

After the two reached the entrance to leave on their own, Baekhyun turned around. He looked like he was wondering whether he should say something or not.

“I didn’t know I would have a great time today when I woke up, so thank you.” Baekhyun hesitated before he continued speaking again. “I didn’t get to work on my homework, as you know. Would it be okay if we met at the university to work together? I promise I won’t copy and paste your info. It's just that I would like to share some ideas.”

Chanyeol agreed, of course. 

Walking alone through the crowded streets was a normal scenario for Chanyeol, in contrast to what he had experienced earlier that day. So many things had happened in the last few hours that he should at least be tense, but he didn’t feel that way. His heart was filled with joy.

He decided it was time to answer his friend's messages once he had taken off his shoes to enter his house. 

‘I’m okay now.’

Chanyeol didn’t see a single raindrop that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! The story is finally moving now that these two have reunited. I hope you like this chapter and please wait for more!


	4. Goodnight and Goodbye- Mree

“As I was telling you, make sure to buy enough food for next week, so your fridge is filled with more than just orange juice and water bottles. You should also remember to turn off the lights every time you leave a room. Do not waste water like you used to do, and try taking short showers whenever you can. Please clean up the house at least once a week, and don’t forget to wash the dishes as soon as you use them. But before you can hang up because you’re getting tired of listening to this old lady listing the things you need to do, I’m going to ask you for one last thing, so please listen carefully; Take care of yourself, Chanyeol. We miss you every single day, and Sundays are especially hard to bear. Study hard so you can reach your personal goals and you can feel proud of yourself just as we do. Home will always wait for you, so take your time, and enjoy the road.”

Wiping away some tears was the usual step that came after a conversation with his mom. Living all by yourself sure affects your vision of life. You begin to appreciate what you used to take for granted, and you begin to understand why most adults behave the way they do. But the hardest task had always involved feeling homesick, Chanyeol would realize after a week of arriving late after finishing the last class of the day and being greeted by nothing but dim lights and silence.

But life wasn’t so cruel at the end of the day. There were also lots of advantages about living alone, and one of them was to be able to listen to whatever he wanted with no one to interrupt him or complain. His neighbors could easily be the exception to that, but Chanyeol was a considerate guy, so he hadn’t had any problems until now.

Having listened to his mom voice message, he knew he would have to go to the closest supermarket later that day to follow his mom’s advice, but having a glass of orange juice wasn’t a bad idea for now. He poured the cold liquid after bringing his laptop to the living room’s sofa.

It was such a pretty day, sunny and windy as if the cold days had been left behind to receive an improved visitor. He put on his Bossa Nova playlist to encourage himself to finish the last part of his homework.

This particular Sunday felt like the beginning of summer.

\---

Chanyeol was running alone through the university hallways on a Monday morning, assuming his friends would probably be by the classroom when he was trying to avoid bumping into people on the way. He thought he should be making an acceptable excuse for Mr. Joo at least because that poor man could write a whole book with just Baekhyun’s excuses for being late. He didn’t know there was more than his shadow running by his side.

When he reached the classroom’s door, he noticed the teacher was still placing his belongings on the table, so it was fair to assume he had arrived just moments before Chanyeol. He still had time.

When Chanyeol was going to pass through the door, he looked to his right to see a short person standing next to him. Five seconds were more than enough for Chanyeol to notice that the person beside him was indeed Baekhyun.

This sudden encounter had left Chanyeol shocked to the core, but he was also tired for running all the way to the classroom in less time than the usual, so he found himself speechless. And judging by the look on the other’s face it was easy to guess he wasn’t the only one.

He would love to be able to stop the time so he could prolong this moment, but he wasn’t in a movie after all, and he knew it would all be over for Baekhyun and him if they didn’t walk through that door in less than a minute.

If he had to be honest, nothing would probably occur, but he didn’t need to test his teacher’s ability to stay calm when his favorite student was once again late.  
He needed to say something. He really needed to come out with something-

“So, you come here often?”

Well, he definitely wasn’t expecting that.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” Baekhyun said while smiling awkwardly.

Chanyeol chuckled softly, amazed by his friend’s intent of joking with him. He turned around to face him properly.

“Hi Baekhyun, I’m Chanyeol”

“Hi Chanyeol, I’m Baekhyun.”

\---

“Okay students, do you remember the homework I asked you to do last week? You should, because we’re going to work with that today.”

From the corner of his eye, Chanyeol could see the annoyance look on both Jongdae and Baekhyun's faces after hearing the teacher’s words, complaining at something he couldn’t hear nor understand from where he was.

“I can hear you grumbling from the distance, Mr. Kim and Mr. Byun. There is no need to be so secretive about it. May you perhaps explain the class what was the homework about, Mr. Byun?”

Sighing, Baekhyun moved on his seat for a couple of seconds. He was probably thinking it was unfair how he always had to answer Mr. Joo’s questions during the lessons, but he put on a smile to answer casually.

“Thank you, Mr. Byun. As I was telling you, today’s lesson will be about discussing the different teaching approaches applied in a list of 10 local schools. You will have to work in pairs for this, pairs that I will assign. You will have 15 minutes to share your information with your pair and another 40 minutes to prepare a 5 minutes presentation where you will name all the approaches used, choose the best one and explain your reasons why.”

Chanyeol’s phone vibrated on his bag when the teacher was writing down the student’s names on a piece of paper, forcing him to look at the nightmare of most teachers.

_(08:20)Did you watch Kiki’s delivery service again or did you finish the assignment this time?_

(08:20) Hi Soo, I love you too. I’m happy to inform you I did finish the assignment ^^

_(08:21) And I’m happy to read that. I know Sehun finished 5 minutes ago, so I hope I don’t have to work with him._

(08:22) Don’t be mean to Sehunnie >:( at least he finished it

(08:22) Hey Soo, where’s Jongin?

_(08:23) He has a headache so he won’t come today._

(08:23) Poor Jongin :( You should go check how he’s doing at home :))

_(08:24) And you should mind your own business <3_

(08:25) I will after you stop blushing <3

_(08:25) I’ll end you <3_

“Okay class, pay attention again. I put everybody’s names on this plastic bag so I will pick up two at the same time and those two will work as a pair. Please go to the board to inscribe your pair once I call your names.”

Chanyeol was getting impatient, having listened to almost all of his friend’s names been read already while the paper with his name was still on the bag. At this point, there were five more students who the teacher had not called yet, and one of them was Baekhyun.

Now that he thought about it, up until now he had never worked together with Baekhyun during his time on the university because the teachers always made the students choose whom to work with. Chanyeol was trying to decide whether working with Baekhyun was a good idea or not when he heard the teacher calling his name.

“Park Chanyeol and…”

He should have seen it coming. Chanyeol should have read the signs fate was giving him since he arrived at the classroom.

“… Byun Baekhyun. Please go to the board and write your names.”

He took a deep breath before looking at Baekhyun, who had stood up with an unreadable expression. They finally looked at each other once they were on the board, and Chanyeol swore to listen to some whispers coming from different directions, but he shrugged them off. He didn’t need to make himself more nervous than he already was.

“So… did you get back to the library when I got home?”

Playing with his sleeves looked like an appealing idea. Appealing and necessary.

“No, no, I went straight back home, and I continued working from there the next day. I guess I didn’t need to go back to the books with all the information I had.” Chanyeol almost whispered his words; embarrassed of talking to the boy next to him just like the old good times. “What about you? Did you return to the library?”

“I didn’t either.” Baekhyun looked around him, searching for the teacher’s face in case he could listen to what he was about to say. Avoiding eye contact, he came closer to Chanyeol to whisper with a smile. “I played PUBG as soon as I arrived home that day.”

Without figuring out what felt so odd about that statement, Chanyeol could tell he needed to analyze what he had heard.

Wait. Hadn’t Baekhyun said he needed to do something when they were at the coffee shop?

Smirking and raising his eyebrows in amusement, Chanyeol tried not to make Baekhyun uncomfortable with what he was about to ask. “Was that the important matter that made you leave in the middle of our short break the other day?”

The gasp Baekhyun made was proof that he wasn’t expecting that question, a subtle blush reaching his cheeks. Chanyeol saw him lean back and look up as if the ceiling contained all the secrets of the world.

‘How cute’ was the only thought running through his mind when looking at a shocked Baekhyun. But when did he not find Baekhyun cute?

“Hey, it’s okay! I understand you have priorities,” he said nonchalantly, and even though he felt somehow disappointed, he didn’t think twice to give Baekhyun a playful smile.

“No, I mean, I lied to you. I really needed to go because of … an emergency. I only played after solving out the emergency.”

The notorious determination on Baekhyun’s frown convinced Chanyeol that the boy was serious about his words, not a sign of doubt or nervousness. Baekhyun’s eyes had laid on his now, and Chanyeol thought it was an attempt to show his honesty.

“I believe you,” Chanyeol had started the sentence with a pout that then turned into a toothy smile. Raising his right hand to his lips, he tried to hide the smile before continuing. “We should start working on this task. I don’t want Mr. Joo-Joo to talk to you after class again.”

“Mr. Joo-Joo must sure feel alone."

_(08:40) So… I know I said I wouldn’t ask again but_

(08:40) here we go again…

_(08:41) I kinda wanna be more than friends._

(08:42)!?! SO TAKE IT EASY ON ME I’M AFRAID-

_(08:42)Are you and Byun Baekhyun on good terms now?_

(08:43) -never mind I need to work

_(08:44) You filthy animal_

_(09:27) Why are you giggling so much? It’s just Byun explaining the characteristics of the CLT approach, Chanyeol. And to think you said I was the boring one._

\---

“So what do you think, Chanyeol?”

Scared by the sudden snapping hand in front of his eyes, Chanyeol jumped a little before blinking, oblivious to what was happening. “What?”

“Weren’t you listening to us? This kid, I swear.” Sehun was giving Chanyeol the cold stare only he could deliver so efficiently, crossing his arms on the process to demonstrate his defensive mode had been activated.

On the other hand, Chanyeol had been awakened from his daily daydreaming from only God knows what so he was unable to catch what his friends had been talking about for the last 10 minutes. Though he knew this was his turn to reply.

“Sorry, I spaced out again.” Rubbing his neck nervously, Chanyeol took a bite from his apple before he continued. “What were you saying?”

“We were deciding whether arriving early at the party or not. We have to show them how cool we are,” Sehun said smirking proudly.

Fighting the need to laugh heartily right there, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo looked at each other before turning to Sehun again. A friendship as special as they made the ability to read minds look like a normal action, knowing exactly what to answer next at the same time.

“Totally”

As if he had remembered something, Kyungsoo tapped Sehun’s shoulder to get his attention. Now he was the one feeling left out.

Chanyeol narrowed his eyes and leaned in; trying to hear the conversation between the two boys in front of him, but it was in vain. The cafeteria’s noise was stronger than anything else, filling every single corner of the room with different stories from different origins. And no matter how special he knew his ears were, nothing could beat the cafeteria noise at lunchtime.

Kyungsoo and Chanyeol’s relationship was similar to the one of a father and a son. The former had always taken care of the latter, always being careful of expressing his concerns for his friend using the right words, knowing how much he would overthink about everything. Even if they had met just a few months before, Chanyeol could say he was one of his closest friends already, and the one he trusted the most. It was an easy-going friendship, one they didn’t have to force nor manipulate to make it work well, and Chanyeol felt safe knowing he had formed this bond with someone. Adding Sehun and Jongin to the equation did nothing but enrich his life and his view of relationships.

“We know you don’t actually enjoy parties and all the mess happening in there, but this was organized for us freshman so it will be the only event dedicated to us.” Sehun gaze drifted off in contemplation.

Kyungsoo cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses before looking at Chanyeol. “You don’t have to get drunk and pretend you’re someone you are not. You just have to have a good time with us,” he said before giving Chanyeol a thumb up.

Chanyeol was glad he had friends who cared enough not to make him uncomfortable for disliking parties and alcohol when most people would tell him to “man up” and to do what he was supposed to do. But he didn’t want to. He just didn’t get the hype.

“Yeah, even Kyungsoo is going.” Sehun put his index on his chin and looked at the ceiling. “I wonder why.”

“I’m sure Kai asked him to go,” Chanyeol said teasingly, raising his eyebrows and leaning to high-five Sehun.

Rolling his eyes at both, Kyungsoo wiped his mouth with one of his tissues. “So anyway, let us know before the Saturday what you have decided so we can organize how to get there.”

They were visited by the silence after that, enjoying the all-familiar food the university students were used to buy for a low price. Similar to the calm before the storm, Sehun stopped chewing his jelly to direct his gaze to the other extreme of the cafeteria.

Sensing how Sehun was interested in something new, Chanyeol followed his gaze until his eyes laid on a boy and a girl talking by the trash can. Just by looking at the hair of the boy Chanyeol knew it couldn’t be someone else than Baekhyun.

Chanyeol didn’t notice, however, that Sehun and Kyungsoo had exchanged glances at each other after seeing how his shoulders had dropped when he looked at one of their classmates.

“I think I can recognize who the mysterious girl is. Isn’t that Haerin from psychology? Though I’ve never seen those two talk before.”

“I haven’t either, but I’ve seen other girls approaching Baekhyun a dozen times in the past. I’ve heard he is quite popular with women based on his appearance and his cold aura, but I personally haven’t seen him involved in any kind of relationship that doesn’t involve his friends.”

“It’s really odd, isn’t it? He’s kind and funny in class but well-behaved outside the classroom. One would think someone like him could easily end up with anyone he wanted, but he only socializes the minimum with women who flirt with him. I once saw him trying to run away from a guy who was trying to seduce him so you can’t say the problem is just girls.”

“You sure know a lot about his love life, Sehun. Were you stalking him all this time?”

“Of course I wasn’t, Kyungsoo.” Sehun came closer to Kyungsoo before he continued speaking. “But I needed to pay attention, you know why- Ouch!”

He was silenced by Kyungsoo’s slap on his arm. Chanyeol wouldn’t have noticed this, however, because he hadn’t taken his eyes out of Baekhyun. It was incredible how he could stare into the person who made his heart skip a beat and listen to the conversation going in front of him at the same time. He had to give himself some credit for it.

All Chanyeol could think was why Baekhyun hadn’t been in a relationship with anyone until now. Sure, he hadn’t been with anyone either, but that’s another story. He had realized he had developed feelings for his old friend while growing up, what made even having a little crush on someone impossible. It didn’t matter if he tried to push himself to talk with new people, in the end, he knew what his heart wanted, and so he preferred to be honest with himself.

Old memories from the past invaded Chanyeol’s mind then, painted with vivid images of Baekhyun turning down a lot of dates while they were still on school. Watching Baekhyun hanging out with the girls of the school had always brought pain to him, opening his eyes to the possibility of seeing the boy he adored so much find a source of happiness on another person that wasn’t him. He had prepared himself to accept whoever Baekhyun decided to fall in love with if that meant he got to see him being happy.

But that never happened.

Chanyeol never got to see Baekhyun in love with someone, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it.

“Maybe he just hasn’t found the right person yet. Speaking of Baekhyun, I saw you and him having a good time today, Chanyeol. I thought you two hated each other.”

Chanyeol returned his gaze to his friends quickly. “What made you think that?”

“I don’t know. I remember Kyungsoo once told me you two used to be classmates since you were kids, but I find it hard to believe considering how you never even talk to each other.”

Chanyeol glanced at Kyungsoo, questioning his friend for exposing him to Sehun. But Kyungsoo only gave him a little smile, leaving him alone to defend himself.

“I guess we never had the opportunity to. But believe me when I tell you there are no harsh feelings involved.” Chanyeol felt proud of his answer, smiling while thinking Sehun would forget the current topic and would start a new one soon.

“Well, since none of you two have been in a relationship, why don’t you try to get close to him? Because you and Baekhyun have that thing in common, I mean.” Chanyeol smile dropped.

Kyungsoo gave Sehun a look.

“What?”

\---

Saturday nights were known for their lively atmosphere, what lead young people and adults to fancy this day the most among the others. But here was Chanyeol, lying on his bed, analyzing all the reasons why he should or should not go to the freshman party at night. So far, he hadn’t made up his mind.

He had asked Kyungsoo for more time to give him the final answer, but considering the event was in less than 2 hours, he knew he was running out of time. He just needed to say yes or no, that hadn’t had to be so difficult. But it was; it definitely was.

Lifting his left hand above his face, Chanyeol made the mental note to name this hand as the ‘reasons why to go to the party’ one. Raising his index, Chanyeol says the reason number one aloud. “I will spend time with my friends.” That looked like a weak reason if you asked him.

Chanyeol loved his friends with all his being, but he had a good time with them on any occasion. Going to a party with them was not even necessary. Next.

Chanyeol raised his thumb. His body trembled in anticipation of knowing what he would say now. “Baekhyun.” This was the real reason.

Chanyeol knew Baekhyun would be there. He had heard his classmates talk about the university parties they had gone since the start of the year on multiple times, and they had always dropped Baekhyun’s name in the conversation. Everything indicated this was not going to be the exception.

In the hypothetical case that Chanyeol went to the party, it would still be a reach to assume he and Baekhyun would do more than avoid each other the whole night. Yes, they had started talking again in the last few days, but that didn’t mean Baekhyun would want to spend the night talking with him when the point of partying isn’t even that.

Finding no more reasons as to why he should go to the party, he lifted his right hand in the air this time. This would be easier.

“I’m not fond of parties, too many people, and alcohol,” Chanyeol said after raising his right index.

It didn’t have anything to do with wanting to be seen as different or intellectual. Chanyeol had never been a person who liked messing around. All the three things named in this particular reason were clear signs that he didn’t like getting wasted. He did so much prefer to go somewhere he could truly listen to his companion with no problems. He did know forcing himself to do something he didn’t like was not the right thing to do.

Finally, Chanyeol raised his right thumb to say his second reason as to why he didn’t need to go to the freshman party.

“Knowing Baekhyun will be there is not enough reason when I dislike these things this much.”

Deep in his heart, he knew that if he went to the party, he would only go to see him and to make sure Baekhyun wouldn’t get together with anyone. But he also knew that wasn’t fair for him or for Baekhyun.

He wasn’t the one to decide what Baekhyun could or could not do, feeling jealous and acting upon it, just as he didn’t have the right to ignore his desire of staying home.

Now his mind was clear, therefore, he picked up his phone from his side to text Kyungsoo.

(21:00) I’m sorry for the delay in my answer, my little friend, but I’ve decided I’ll be staying at home this time. Say sorry to the boys!!

_(21:06) I see. No need to apologize, giant. But please don’t watch the same old movie again and again. What about the weird one?_

(21:08) You mean spirited away?

_(21:09) Yeah, that one, try that one._

(21:10) I will. Thank you Soo, and enjoy the night!!! Remember to take it slow with you-know-who

_(21:12) I swear to god Chanyeol._

_(21:15) And I will. It is nice, to be with him._

(21:17) I’m happy for you Soo, I really am <3

_(21:19) Thank you :) Now I’ll get changed so I can be ready when Jongin comes to pick me up. Have a good night Yeol._

Chanyeol dropped his phone to his side again. It was done. He had made his decision, and there was no turning back now. Watching spirited away sounded like a good idea, so he stood up to search for his Blu-ray. He was always up for a Ghibli movie.

\---

Two hours and a few minutes later, Chanyeol was putting the movie back into its Blu-ray case before leaving it where it belonged. The film had distracted him from overthinking too much about what could be happening at the party, but now that it was over he was starting to feel anxious once again. It would be great if he just went to sleep. That way Chanyeol would skip any unnecessary thought because he would be dreaming of no face. Or maybe that wasn’t that good of an idea.

Sitting straight for that much time had left him extremely hungry, but it was already late for dinner so brushing his teeth seemed to be the best option in this scenery. Turning off the faucet to stop the running water after washing his face and placing his brush teeth on the dispenser, Chanyeol walked to the closet to look for his pajamas.

Not even a minute had passed since he had closed his eyes, ready to let himself fall unconscious when his phone vibrated. ‘What could Soo possibly want to talk this late?’

Groaning in disbelief, Chanyeol rolled to his side to pick up the phone with both hands, placing it right in front of his face. His eyes took some time to adjust to the bright light the device was emitting, making it hard to see who the person behind the late message was.

After the blinding state had passed, the first thing Chanyeol noticed was that the message was sent by an unknown number. He didn’t have time to give it too much thought because his eyes immediately lowered to read the text.

_**(23:45) Hi! Almost all of our class is in here, but I haven’t seen you around. Is everything okay?** _

Chanyeol had to re-read the message three times before he could process what it said. Why was one of his classmates texting him to ask why he wasn’t at the party? He couldn’t understand why someone would bother to ask why he hadn’t gone somewhere he never frequented in the first place. Kyungsoo had probably told his friends Chanyeol wasn’t going to the party after he was informed, adding the fact that he had Sehun and Jongin’s numbers saved on his phone so it was impossible to think the message had come from his friends.

_**(23:49) I’m sorry, that might have come out as intrusive. I guess I’m a little worried. Are you okay? Let me know! (:** _

_**(23:49) This is Baekhyun btw!!!** _

Chanyeol stopped breathing for a few seconds. Blinking at his phone, he finally swallowed hard. His heart was beating so fast that he thought he was going to die right there, all alone on his bed. And no, he was definitely not exaggerating.

When the initial shock had left his body, Chanyeol asked himself how in the world Baekhyun had obtained his number. His classmates never worried about creating a group chat because they shared a university email which all the students of pedagogy had access to thus they could send the major information there. So who had Baekhyun asked to get Chanyeol’s number?

Minutes were passing by really quickly, and he still hadn’t answered. Leaving Baekhyun on read would be highly disrespectful, especially when the other boy had only good intentions to contact him. Chanyeol was shaking from how nervous he felt because this was new. This was a new step in their relationship. Never had Baekhyun talked to him in any other way that wasn’t talking in person, and that scared him. Most people would find it a less intimidating way of communication, and that was partly true. But it also meant he had to pay attention to his writing style. He didn’t know if he had to answer him with formality or not. In the end, Chanyeol opted for texting him as he would usually text his friends, taking off the teasing.

(23:53) Hi Baekhyun! I’m completely fine thanking you for asking ^^

(23:54) Can I ask you how did you get my number? Just if you wanna tell me!!

Chanyeol didn’t want to sound desperate or too eager to answer, but he didn’t want to wait more time to keep the chat flowing either. Nobody knew whether this was going to be the only time they would text each other or not, so he chose to give it his best shot.

The answer to his question came after two long painful minutes.

_**(23:56) Oh, I’m glad to hear that! Or should I say “read” that?** _

_**(23:58) Well, that was lame >< I didn’t see you around, so I asked Jongin if he knew why you weren’t here and he told me to ask you myself. He saved your number on my cell phone and here we are now.** _

A debate was happening in Chanyeol’s mind to decide if Jongin had made him a favor when he received a new message.

_**(23:59) Why didn’t you come, Chanyeol? Will you come the next time?** _

_**(23:59) That would be nice, I mean** _

He had to be honest with Baekhyun now they were talking again. He couldn’t lie in fear of looking like a boring person. He brought his palms to his face in embarrassment after he sent his next message.

(00:00) If I’m honest with you, Baekhyun, I don’t really like parties. It’s just not my thing :(

When his phone sounded again, Chanyeol moved his right hand away so he could see what Baekhyun’s answer to his personal confession was.

_**(00:01) I understand, but why the sad face? That’s not a bad thing at all!!** _

_**(00:01) It’s totally okay if you don’t like them. You don’t have to, so don’t feel bad about yourself** _

It was like a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders.

Chanyeol had always felt different while growing up, seeing all of his classmates looking forward to going to parties when they were teens. As a young person who craved for validation to see himself as someone worthy, he tried to follow whatever his peers were doing to feel part of the group. But after a few times of experiencing a couple of parties, he felt indifferent to this kind of fun. And this realization made him perceive himself as an uninteresting person.

Even after all these years and all the positive changes in his self-esteem, Chanyeol still felt self-aware when he told someone new he didn’t like drinking and going to clubs and pubs. So having read what Baekhyun sent him put him on an even happier mood.

And before he could reply, the sunshine decided to take the wheel of the conversation again.

_**(00:04) Hey Chanyeol, I have an idea!** _

_**(00:04) Would you like to go somewhere else to eat and talk? A place with fewer people and without loud music to hurt our ears.** _

What had just happened? Baekhyun was inviting him to hang out. He wanted to hang out with Chanyeol. Right now. At night.

Chanyeol was having a heart attack.

He could stop functioning at any time, so he had to make a quick decision. ‘Life is giving you one opportunity, Chanyeol. One first and last chance, so put your worries and anxiety aside for once and follow your heart’ he told himself. But then he remembered Baekhyun was in a different place than him.

(00:06) That sounds good :D But aren’t you at the party? You don’t have to do that for me, though I’m thankful.

_**(00:07) But I want to. Besides, parties are not that big of a deal (:** _

Chanyeol was rolling through his bed by now, placing his phone to his chest while lifting his feet. He didn’t care if he looked like a little girl with a crush because the only thing that mattered was that he was going on a “date” with Baekhyun. God, he was whipped.

_**(00:08) So, what do you say?** _

_**(00:08) There will be food~** _

(00:08) Okay, let’s go!!

_**(00:09) :D!! Okay, the night is quite cold tonight so wear some warm and comfy clothes.** _

_**(00:10) And please send me your address. I’ll go over in ten minutes so hurry up Chanyeol** _

‘He’s going to pick me up. If there is a God up there: thank you.’

\---

Chanyeol had put on an extra size khaki sweater over a white turtleneck undershirt, showing little to no skin to prevent getting cold. Styling his hair in front of the mirror for the last time while looking at his reflection, Chanyeol knew Baekhyun would be there at any moment. He smirked, faking confidence, so maybe that way the thought of Baekhyun would stop making him feel weak at his knees.

Another message was delivered.

_**(00:35) I AM outside!! And it’s reaaaaally cold ;_; I’m freezing** _

The fact that Baekhyun was so cute made Chanyeol infuriated because, why was he so cute for? Didn’t Baekhyun know how cruel and dangerous the world could be? That little boy needed to be more careful around people. Furrowing his brows and clenching his fist in the air, he told himself he was capable of doing this for the last time before going downstairs.

He didn’t know what was about to happen – but hey– at least he hadn’t gone to the party to end up sleeping with a certain person. He had skipped the cliché that could have happened in their story.

Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, Chanyeol stood up in front of the door. His hands were shaking, and he had lost control of his heart a long time ago, but even if he hadn’t prepared himself for this scenario –not even in his daily daydreaming –deep down he knew spending time with Baekhyun was what he desired the most. Wasting no more time, he opened the door.

Chanyeol was met with a shivering Baekhyun looking up to him with a smile on his face that reached his eyes, all of his worries disappearing when he saw him giggling.

Baekhyun put his palms together, blowing air into his hands to warm them up. “Hey.”

Receiving the message from the other boy, he took off his winter gloves to give them to the person who needed them more. Separating Baekhyun’s palms by taking one of them, Chanyeol placed his gloves in one of his hands. “Hey.”

\---

“Can I ask where you are taking me? We’ve been walking for 10 minutes already, and I still don’t know where we’re going.”

“We’re almost there Chanyeol, just wait and see.” Baekhyun was about to say something when he eyes illuminated. He turned to Chanyeol with a foolish smile. “Here we are.”

McDonald’s. They were at McDonald’s.

And he loved it.

Chanyeol had spent the last 10 minutes worrying, trying to discover where his friend was leading them. The probability of going to a coffee shop again looked unlikely due to how late it was. And going to an expensive place would be an eventual problem for Chanyeol’s wallet so finding out they were at McDonald’s was perfect.

The dim lights of the streets and the few people they had encountered on the way made Chanyeol feel excited. The night had just begun, and he was having so much fun already, forgetting how nervous he had felt before. He couldn’t ask for more.

“The food is on me tonight. Let’s walk in before I change my mind”

\---

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to eat a double quarter pounder with cheese again.” Baekhyun was having a hard time opening the door by pushing it with his body while having the takeout bag on his hands.

Chanyeol noticed Baekhyun’s struggle, so he pushed the door away and let him walk out of the smelling building they had visited. “You have no idea how much I’ve craved eating these nuggets and fries. You wouldn’t know either because you laughed at me when I told you what was going to be my order.”

“You can’t blame me when you could have chosen, I don’t know, a Big Mac Meal or a Premium Chicken Bacon Clubhouse Meal, but you went for nuggets and fries!"

Because the place was filled with a variety of strong smells from unknown origins, Baekhyun suggested eating somewhere else before their stomach could get sick. So here they were, walking through what once used to be some crowded streets in the middle of the night, searching for a place where they could sit comfortably, and why not, safely.

Wandering suddenly came to an end when Chanyeol spotted a small playground in the short distance. After thinking whether what he was about to do would mean crossing his boundaries or not, he took Baekhyun by his shoulders and started leading him to their new tourist attraction, which was as empty as a school at night.

Having arrived at the destination, Chanyeol took a look at the different types of equipment they had in front. Colorful ladders and slides adorned the quiet place, reminding them how lively it could be when the sun was up in the sky. The magic that once transformed this old-school site into an enchanted scene had left during the night to rest before the morning greeted it again, and Chanyeol felt as if they had walked into a parallel universe.

Gazing in awe at the unfamiliar view the world was showing him, Chanyeol bumped his back with something cold and stiff, so he turned around to fight whatever had decided that hitting him was a good idea.

A dark-red swing set was placed in the middle of the playground with two small swings hanging from above. It wasn’t anything fancy or elegant, but it looked like the right place to eat while having a deep conversation. And before Chanyeol could tell the other boy what he was thinking Baekhyun had taken him by the arm to run together to their hanging seats.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol had started eating by now, placing their bags in front of their feet with only the sound of the wind and their voices accompanying the lonely night.

Chanyeol had swallowed two nuggets at the same time, forgetting about manners and giving a good impression when his growling stomach demanded his food to keep functioning. “So, how whams the pawmri?”

“How was the party you’re asking?” Baekhyun sipped from his drink. “I don’t really know because I left almost at the start.”

Feeling somehow guilty for taking Baekhyun’s time away when he could be having a good time with his friends, Chanyeol’s throat went dry. He was going to make an effort to apologize with a clear voice when Baekhyun stopped him.

“Please don’t apologize Yeol, it was my choice.”

Chanyeol saw from the corner of his eye how Baekhyun was biting his lower lip, fighting to keep a smile.

“And I don’t regret it!” he had shouted with a serious face.

Chanyeol couldn’t contain his feelings anymore, so he burst out laughing as if there was no tomorrow, hitting Baekhyun’s arm on the way. “Thank you,” he said in between laughs. His cheeks hurt from smiling too much and his eyes were full of tears by the time he had calmed down.

But based on the lost look Baekhyun was giving him, Chanyeol guessed he hadn’t understood his words.

“Then thank you, for choosing to be with me. This is fun. I’m having so much fun.”

The silence was getting on Chanyeol’s nerves after moments had passed since he had spoken and no one was adding anything new to the conversation. When he turned to look to his side, he was faced with a frozen Baekhyun, staring at him in complete adoration. He just had this face people have when they are looking at someone they want to protect, and that realization was too much for Chanyeol to handle.

Everyone had told him how dense he could be in life –and they were not wrong –but right now he had the feeling the Baekhyun from the present still cared about him. And it didn’t matter if it was in the most platonic sense because that was enough for Chanyeol to be grateful for.

His love for Baekhyun was unconditional; He would never ask him for anything in return.

They continued staring at each other until one of them decided to break the silence abruptly.

“Yeol, do you want to sing?”

“Ah?”

“As if we were on a musical or if we were driving through the city with the music up.”

That was a plot twist. But who was Chanyeol to deny Baekhyun’s request?

“So what do you have in mind?”

Baekhyun gasped in surprise. “Come and get your love!”

Singing from the top of his lungs without a care in the world had taken the first place in the list of simple pleasures of life, that was for sure.

“Why didn’t you tell me you could sing? What else are you hiding from me?”

“Then what about you? You could be famous Baek! Why are you studying pedagogy when you could be the next Vitas?”

He deserved the punch Baekhyun gave him. He totally did.

“Why don’t we sit on the grass now? We’ve been sitting on these swings for so long that I don’t feel my ass anymore.”

The two boys lost track of the time after that, sitting next to each other and leaving no space in between, engrossed on the deep conversation only a 3 am talk could offer. They talked about the things they’ve never talked about before. Chanyeol learned that night how Baekhyun used to be scared of the dark so he would sleep with a light on. He would also learn that Baekhyun’s mom used to wait until he had fallen asleep before turning the light off because “she loved her son, but the world was an expensive place.” Chanyeol knew Baekhyun trusted him to talk about his fears with him, so he decided to open up his heart and talk about how tired it was to over analyze every single thing.

They talked until they couldn’t stop yawning, fighting the need to close their eyes for longer than the usual.

Baekhyun told Chanyeol is was time to go home, and Chanyeol agreed even if he didn’t want the night to end. They arrived at Chanyeol’s house after a long walk.

“Thank you for taking me out tonight, buying me food, trusting me, and taking me home. This was one of the best nights ever, so thank you Baekhyun. I appreciate it a lot.” Chanyeol looked at his gloves, which were still on Baekhyun’s hands. “You can return them later. Please text me when you get home safely. I won’t sleep until you do it.”

But Baekhyun was silent.

He just stood there, still, looking at Chanyeol’s face with all the calm in the world.

Until Baekhyun wasn’t still anymore because he had moved closer to Chanyeol to place his little head on his shoulder.

“Can I …” Baekhyun closed his eyes. “Can I rest here for a while?”

Chanyeol nodded softly, not trusting his voice to say something wrong that could ruin the tender moment. He was sleepy, so sleepy that his head was falling forward, and that made him decide that Baekhyun’s head was a nice place to rest his.

Closing his eyes, Chanyeol allowed himself to enjoy the moment while it lasted. No overthinking, no analyzing what could happen after this. He could do that tomorrow, but today… today he would allow himself to love.

Baekhyun finally moved a little after a minute, making Chanyeol lift his head for the other boy to move away. Taking one step back, Baekhyun had set on a distance in between the two again.

“Thank you for everything, Yeol.”

And with that, Baekhyun turned around and started walking away, leaving Chanyeol behind.

Baekhyun’s message came 35 minutes later, scaring the boy who had prepared himself a tea to keep him awake for a little longer.

_**(04:40) Hey Yeol** _

_**(04:40) I’m home :)** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! It's been a while since I last updates, so I hope you enjoy this long chapter. I'd really love to know what you think about the story (: Have a nice week and please wait for the next update!  
> Thanks for reading


	5. I wish I knew how it would be to be free

Watching athletes running for a living on television was a source of entertainment which many people enjoyed, as witnessing such activity provided the feeling of exercising while doing nothing but moving one’s eyes from the comfort of inner space. Nevertheless, when the person running was not an upbeat athlete but an ordinary citizen who couldn’t even run to save their life, the magic behind the trick of seeing that level of energy in a human being probably evolved into a second-hand embarrassment. And that was what the majority of the students present at the moment Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s groups of friends started running through the hallways felt.

Nobody knew how it happened, but here they were, pushing each other through the narrow space the crowded university was.

Baekhyun’s group was led by Minseok, who had had the glorious idea of grabbing Jongdae by his hand to hurry the speed of his feet. Experiencing by first-hand how his lover’s idea was working, he dropped his other hand, offering it to Junmyeon to catch. And the latter didn’t waste more time before linking the two and pulling Baekhyun by his wrist with his free hand, unbalancing him on the way.

Just a few meters away was Jongin at the front, who after observing what his other classmates were doing decided it would hurt no one to test their idea before intertwining his and Kyungsoo’s hand. Sehun, who was unable to catch Kyungsoo’s arm because he was using it to hide his eyes from the world, opted for grabbing the back of his t-shirt and asked Chanyeol to follow his example. And Chanyeol didn’t need to look to his left to know whose laugh was reaching his ears and motivating him to laugh in return while trying not to trip over something.

\-------

“Kyungsoo, you can stop hiding your blush now.”

The group of eight boys was faced with a closed door and all of their other classmates sitting by the stairs and cursing at how unfair life could be. Apparently, they weren’t the only ones arriving late to the lesson that day.

And it was as if the teacher had sensed how her students were discussing whether to leave or not because she appeared out of nowhere when half of the class was standing up, ready to disappear from the view.

“And now you, Chanyeol? Is anybody listening to me?” Sehun put his hands over his head in frustration.

“What?”

“I was talking to you, sleepyhead! Is there something behind me that makes you look that way instead of looking at me?”

But how could Chanyeol tell Sehun he couldn’t take his eyes off the boy a few seats away from him? He had no control in the situation, even to the point of being unaware of his intense staring until his friend mentioned it.

Chanyeol blinked a few times before sitting straight to give his full attention to his friend. “I’m all ears.”

“I know –hey! What’s with all that aggressiveness! Jongin, please say something.”

“I don’t think Mr. Kim and Mr. Do are listening to us right now, to be honest–”

“Okay class, before starting the lesson I wanted to apologize for the delay. Running behind my dog for ten minutes was not part of my plan, but that’s life.”

“You weren’t the only one, Mrs. Lee,” Jongdae shouted while cupping his hands around his mouth, stopping when Junmyeon elbowed him.

Mrs. Lee looked at him for a few seconds, probably questioning what to answer before nodding with a smile. “I’m going to show you an image with a lot of different words. Please look at them and tell me what the first thing that comes to your mind after reading all of these words is.”

No student got to talk again after the teacher started the lesson, focused on understanding the unfamiliar content they were seeing for the first time. They were new to this entire lesson planning thing and all its components; therefore, nobody wanted to do anything but listen to the teacher explanation.

One and a half hour later, the students were stretching in their seats, releasing all the stress accumulated from putting too much effort for the morning when the teacher interrupted them by projecting a list of instructions on the board.

“Now that we’ve studied all the different parts of a lesson plan, which consists of…” the teacher had started saying, waiting for anyone to continue the phrase.

“Opening, presentation, guided practice, independent practice, and closing,” Sehun answered quickly, looking around when he realized most of his classmates were looking at him with surprise. “What?”

“That’s right, Mr. Oh. So now that we know all of this, we are going to start a new project. Mr. Kim Junmyeon, please read aloud the following instructions.”

“… Finally, you will have to work in pairs in order to do the project.”

“Thank you Junmyeon. As Mr. Kim said, you will have to choose a school and then one grade to observe what the teacher does. You and your pair will go to that class for four lessons and will fill one lesson plan format with everything you observe during each class; If the teacher doesn’t do any of the lesson plan’s parts, please do specify it then. After you observe the four lessons, you’ll give me a portfolio with all the information. I’ll send the format to Junmyeon so he can share it with all of you. I’ll ask you to tell me who you are going to work with the next class, so choose your partner wisely.”

All of the students had started looking around the classroom and calling names until Mrs. Lee cleared her throat. “This is your chance to work with new people and not just your friends because you will have to get used to doing that once you get a real job.”

The last phrase silenced all the whispering at once, and in Chanyeol’s case, made him consider working with someone who wasn’t part of his friend’s group.

Chanyeol had always worked with Kyungsoo, Sehun, or Jongin. He was used to working with them by now, and fortunately for him, all of his close friends were great partners –even Sehun, who usually looked like an absentminded guy that didn’t know anything, was strangely smart and creative –so he never even thought of working with anyone else. But now that the teacher had mentioned how the real life was, he couldn’t stop analyzing the benefits of picking a new partner for the project.

The only time he had worked with anyone different was when he worked with Baekhyun, and they had done a pretty good job. Would it be a good idea to ask him to work together again? He had to decide it quickly because otherwise, he would end up working with neither his friends nor Baekhyun.

He had to choose Baekhyun. He knew he wanted to choose him when the only idea of working with him left him feeling like a kid who’s going to Disney World for the weekend. Or in his case, like a kid who’s going to the Ghibli Museum. In Japan. Speaking of Japan, he hadn’t watched One Piece in such a long time, he needed to catch up –wait.

Slapping himself –and scaring both Kyungsoo and Jongin on the way –Chanyeol started searching for Baekhyun’s face around the classroom until he saw the short boy picking up his bag while standing up. He had to ask him before he could leave the room, so he approached him in a matter of seconds, surprising the boy who hadn’t watched him getting closer before.

Chanyeol didn’t realize all of their friends were looking at them because he was too busy now that he had Baekhyun in front of him to worry about what people would think.

“Hey, Baek.” Chanyeol smiled softly, pursing his lips for a moment before speaking again. “How are you doing today?” Chanyeol’s eye twitched. ‘That was not what I wanted to say but go off I guess.’

Baekhyun adjusted his bag over his shoulders. “I’m fine, just tired after paying attention to Mrs. Lee for too long, but fine. What about you?”

“I’m fine too, thanks for asking.” Licking his lips, Chanyeol gave himself more time before continuing the conversation. “Hmm, Baek…”

Baekhyun tilted his head, and Chanyeol swore he saw the corner of his lips lifting for a second, encouraging him to spit his next words out.

“I was wondering, hmm, if you would like us to work together for this project. I know the teacher’s right about what she said, and we made a good team last time we worked together, so…” Chanyeol stopped talking when he saw a big smile plastered on Baekhyun’s face.

“… So I would like to work with you.”

“I would like to, yeah.”

And Chanyeol felt his lips lift just like Baekhyun’s as he heard some quiet clapping sound coming from behind his back.

\-------

“I’m telling you Sehun, I knew university was hard, but this is only our first year here, and I already feel like I’m in Zombieland somehow.”

“I feel you Jongin. I’m still waiting for a Sharknado to interrupt our classes, but let’s not lose hope.”

Even if Kyungsoo was judging them so hard right now, it was impossible for him not to laugh at his friend’s daily conversations at the cafeteria, or at least that was what Chanyeol could see when looking at them laughing every time they were there.

Life sure could get stressful after entering university, with all the assignments, all the evaluations, and all the information they had to study to survive in that hostile environment. But life could also be a precious adventure when one has people who stand beside you in the good and bad times, and Chanyeol felt truly grateful for being alive.

Because not everything was solved in his life; He still had to study for a couple of years before he could graduate, he still was unsure if this was what he really wanted to do for the rest of his life, and he didn’t know whether he would be a good teacher or not. There were many uncertainties in his life, and his relationship with Baekhyun was one of them.

They had started talking again to the extent of hanging out together when no one else was around, and Chanyeol couldn’t be happier for that. But this new start also meant he had to consider what he wanted to do next. He was fully aware of his feelings for his old friend, now more than ever, but what Baekhyun felt for him still remained a secret.

While he had been too much of a coward to approach him in the past, now he didn’t know if following his heart was what Baekhyun wanted.

The only thing he knew was how much in love he was with him, but he couldn’t just act on his feelings when he didn’t know how Baekhyun felt about him, so he needed to take things slow and take his time before he could pour his heart out.

Nevertheless, even after thinking of all the reasons that could make him worry about his future, Chanyeol felt happy for having at least a low probability of achieving all of his dreams. Sometimes, the word “maybe” could become one of the biggest sources of hope in people’s lives.

His eyes started looking for Baekhyun in the room full of people, and when he saw him talking with a lot of other students, laughing and having a good time with people he hadn’t see him interact before, Chanyeol felt like that was all he needed for now. Seeing Baekhyun happy made _him_ happy.

“Why did you start smiling, Yeol?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen you smiling more often. Is there anything you want to tell us?”

This time, there was no anxiety. He didn’t feel nervous about coming out with a good lie to make his friend change the topic because there was no reason to lie to them. If they asked him, he would tell him why he was so happy, and maybe they would help him to win Baekhyun’s heart. How much he had changed in a couple of weeks impressed him; the Chanyeol of the past could only dream of being this confident.

“Lately, I’m happier than ever.”

And Chanyeol noticed they all smiled after he said that, but none commented anything. Why weren’t they pushing the topic?

“Chanyeol, have you chosen a partner for Mrs. Lee’s project already?” Jongin asked Chanyeol while looking at Kyungsoo.

Dropping his eyes to the plate and playing with the untouched food, Chanyeol tried his best to avoid the gazes of his friends before answering. “I’m working with Baekhyun.” He felt his ears getting hot, and he cursed at himself for being so obvious.

“Tell us how it goes.”

Nobody added anything else after those words, and Chanyeol was so confused because that wasn’t what he was expecting. He expected a lot of questions, and maybe some teasing, but nothing of what happened. Were his friends hiding something from him?

He returned his gaze to them, and after seeing three relaxed faces with a not apparent intention of exposing him, he concluded he didn’t need to worry.

“I will.”

\-------

The day had ended up earlier than it should, with a sick teacher who had contacted his students 15 minutes after the class should have started. That was not enough reason to ruin Chanyeol’s good mood though, only making him happier because he could go home almost 2 hours before than the usual. Feeling more motivated than a few weeks ago, Chanyeol had finished all of the week’s assignments during the weekend, leaving him with more time to watch movies and reading books. However, he didn’t feel like doing any of the things mentioned before.

He thought of ordering a pizza and listening to the oldies radio was a good idea, living a bohemian lifestyle for some hours before calling his mom to ask about Yoora and Toben. Upon noticing how he had started drooling at the thought of cheese and pepperoni, Chanyeol picked up his phone to make the call that would end his suffering.

The pizza didn’t take long to arrive because it was a weekday, and so when the delivery guy knocked on Chanyeol’s door, he rushed to get out of the shower and dress up appropriately before the boy could leave with his pizza.

Walking through the house with a glass of juice on his hand until he reached his bedroom, Chanyeol placed the glass over the bedside table with one hand and turned on the radio with the other, changing the channels until he heard one of his favorite songs.

The pizza was waiting for him over the bed, so he climbed it carefully before taking one slice.

When he had eaten half of the pizza and drank the whole glass of juice, his phone disturbed the atmosphere, telling Chanyeol it was time to pick it up.

He walked over the chair where he had put his bag, opening the zipper to introduce his hand. Once he was over his bed again with his phone on his lap, Chanyeol unlocked the screen.

**_(20:40) Hi Yeol :D! Wanted to tell you I emailed the teacher to let her know we’re going to work together_ **

Baekhyun had texted him.

It wasn’t the first time Baekhyun texted him, but he guessed he would never get used to receiving his messages and smiling stupidly at his phone every time that happened.

(20:42) Hi Baek ^^ Thaaaaaank you! I’m sure Mrs. Lee was not expecting to receive that email

Chanyeol moved the pizza to the side to lie on his back, moving his legs all over the bed in excitement.

**_(20:43) You’re welcome~_ **

**_(20:44) Hey Yeol, I wanted to apologize for not answering after you texted me on Sunday. I was busy helping my mom and I guess I forgot to charge my phone_ **

(20:46) It’s okay (: How’s your mom by the way? You always talk about her so I can tell you two are really close ^^

**_(20:47) She’s fine, thank you for asking. And yeah, we’re pretty close_ **

****

**_(20:47)We’ve been together through a lot of difficult times_ **

**_(20:49) Are you and your mom close?_ **

(20:50) Yes~ I’m a momma’s boy

(20:50) but in a good way

(20:51) My sister and my mom are two of my best friends

**_(20:53) Cute_ **

**_(20:53) I mean that’s cute!_ **

Chanyeol hid half of his face on the pillow after reading the last two messages, ashamed of blushing at the thought of Baekhyun thinking he was cute.

**_(20:55) What are you doing right now? I’m watching this old western movie where the protagonist is friends with a wolf. It’s… interesting_ **

(20:56) I don’t think I’ve watched that movie :o I’m eating some pizza and listening to old music

**_(20:57) Oh! Do you know Nina Simone? Her vinyl is my greatest treasure!!!_ **

(20:58) How can I know you are happy just by reading your message?!?!

Chanyeol closed his eyes for a couple of seconds, absorbing the soothing voice his radio was playing.

(20:59) I do like her ^^ tho I’m a bigger fan of Nat King Cole

(21:00) Have you ever listened to Unforgettable, Baek?

\-------

It had been months since Chanyeol had taken a bus for the last time, being so used on depending on his own two feet to get him anywhere he wanted that he had forgotten how much time he could save by using this mean of transport. That could be the reason why he had been standing in front of a school gate for more than 15 minutes, bringing a small folder with him and wearing a light blue shirt with some black dress pants.

He had followed all of Mrs. Lee’s tips for giving a good impression to the school authorities, but the anxiety that the thought of arriving late to the first day of his and Baekhyun’s observations lessons gave him, ended up with him sweating under the sun while waiting for his partner to arrive.

Playing with the corners of the folder, Chanyeol started to recall all the things that had happened on the last 3 days, maybe to entertain himself with something else apart from what he was holding. Objectively speaking, there wasn’t much to talk about. The only exception was that he had been talking with Baekhyun on non-stop since the other boy had texted him about sending that email to their teacher.

Even if they didn’t have the opportunity to speak during their classes, that didn’t stop them from texting each other for hours once they got home after a long day, talking about whatever was going through their minds in those moments, but also discussing their future project together.

That was how they had chosen the school and the grade they would work with, being the first students of the class who had been accepted by a school to receive them with open arms in their classrooms because Baekhyun had sent the teacher a new email before the next class even started.

Now that the day of going to the school had come, Chanyeol regretted being the first students to start the project because that meant he didn’t have time to reconsider his life choices like he always did before facing something new, and that made him extremely nervous. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t see Baekhyun jogging into his direction until the boy was in front of him, breathing with difficulty.

Rubbing his hands together, Baekhyun lowered his head and looked up to Chanyeol. “Sorry for keeping you waiting, Yeol!” stopping when he heard Chanyeol’s laugh.

“I’m not mad at you, Baek,” he said, raising his eyebrows and moving his hands to show him that he really wasn’t. “We’re still on time, so–”

Only then did Chanyeol pay attention to Baekhyun’s outfit. And holy shit, the boy was so cute.

Well, Baekhyun was always cute; with those pretty eyes of him and that beautiful smile, everything about him screamed the word **adorable**. But seeing him wearing formal clothes was a gift sent from heaven.

Maybe all the good things Chanyeol had done during his life were finally paying off. Not that he did it with that purpose, obviously, but he wouldn’t complain either.

Just like him, Baekhyun was also wearing some black dress pants, but his shirt was white with some black details in the collar.

Chanyeol couldn’t stop staring at his sunshine when he was glowing like that, feeling lucky for having the honor of just looking at him.

“Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asked him with a confused face.

“Yeah,” Chanyeol shook his head, “I was thinking your outfit is nice.” This time, he didn’t try to stop his smile. “The teacher is going to love you.”

Dropping his gaze, Baekhyun chuckled softly before starting walking in front of Chanyeol, entering the school and making the latter trip over his own feet when trying to get by his side again.

“The teacher will love you too.”

\-------

The two boys were standing outside the first grader’s classroom of the school they had chosen, waiting for the teacher to call them and present them to the children, and Chanyeol couldn’t stop touching his hair.

What if the kids didn’t like him? He was tall and thin and had big ears that sometimes made people laugh. He could look intimidating at first glance, and that was the last thing he wanted the students to think of him.

His grip on the folder became stronger and his breathing difficult, but the person beside him wasn’t planning on leaving him alone with his nerves.

Baekhyun had extended his right hand to Chanyeol’s face, as if he was trying to place it on his cheek but something has stopped him before he could it, until the world started moving again and his hand moved to Chanyeol’s hair, stroking it gently in a slow pattern.

“Is there something bothering you, Yeollie?”

Strangely to Chanyeol, his heart didn’t start beating like a drum, and his palms didn’t get sweaty. Instead, he felt like everything was right. He felt at home.

“Just smile like you always do when you’re truly happy, and they will want to get know you better.” The world had stopped again.

“You have nothing to worry about.”

The door behind them opened and the teacher, a young woman with a fun expression, called their names, inviting them to come in quickly.

“Class, these are Mr. Chanyeol and Mr. Baekhyun, the teachers we will have around for some classes. Please say hi!”

Chanyeol’s heart was running through its cage, but when the little students greeted them with their high pitch voices and the biggest of the smiles, he knew what Baekhyun had told him was true; he had nothing to worry about.

He glanced and smiled at Baekhyun for one last time, and Baekhyun smiled back at him before he returned his gaze to the students.

“I’m Mr. Byun Baekhyun"

“And I’m Mr. Park Chanyeol”

“Good morning Mr. Byun and Mr. Park!"

\-------

It was funny in some way like if he was yet to be awakened, permanently living in the same old dreams he so much loved since he could remember. It felt like he was reliving the day he had the most precious memories of, coming back to his childhood.

If someone had told the old version of Chanyeol that he would end up recreating the first day he and Baekhyun met for the first time, he would have thought that someone’s desire was to hurt him, knowing somehow how much that memory meant to him.

But not a thing could hurt him when the same fresh wind from eleven years old came unexpectedly by the window, only that this time the once naïve two kids were now grown up men, sitting in between a bunch of young people, as if nothing had changed but them.

Looking at the past, Chanyeol had always wondered what could have happened if he and Baekhyun never stopped talking that year, creating a variety of scenarios with infinitive endings in his head. But now that he was looking at his side, he could see how this was the only way it had always meant to be.

Because the painful distance he had endured during all these years had made Chanyeol appreciate the little moments they shared, finding happiness in their bittersweet story.

A story of all the things that could have been, but never were.

With Baekhyun smiling by his side, he could understand what it meant to love someone deeply, and how grateful he should be for _feeling_ in a world so afraid of showing vulnerability, just like he had done before.

This wasn’t the perfect scenario he had imagined at all, with way more responsibilities he had ever thought of at a young age, and with characters like a loud teacher and an army of little devils who made their project impossible for how difficult it was not to laugh at their mischievousness, but he couldn’t really ask for a better new memory.

Life could be so hard at times, and yet so simple at others. Chanyeol would make sure to picture this small fragment of a moment for the rest of the years yet to come, looking back at the time he had been the happiest.

The small and fearful Chanyeol he once was would never have imagined how blissful he could be just by looking at Baekhyun placing a black pen at the corner of his lips one more time.

And just like that, the four lessons had come to an end in the blink of an eye.

What was supposed to be an easy project to apply what they had learned about planning had become a new adventure, in more ways that they could have had imagined.

All the emotional experience aside, the two boys had also put into practice their still basic knowledge on teaching, intervening in the classes whenever the teacher looked like she was having a hard time with the students. And their help had made the young students grow closer to them in a brief period of time because kids never cared much about time as adults did.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun found themselves in front of the group of kids again, with the little difference that this time they were not there to present themselves but to say goodbye. Mrs. Anne had talked with them before the class started so they could come to an agreement on how to tell the students this was going to be the last time they would see them.

Having thought about this before, Baekhyun showed the teacher the bag of candies and stickers they had brought for the kids along with a box of chocolates for her.

None of the boys would have expected to embrace the children they had seen for the last few weeks when the teacher announced this was the time to say goodbye, almost falling on their backs with the energy only the youth had.

Given the small bodies of the kids and Chanyeol’s long arms, it was an easy task for him to hold more than five students at the same time, while Baekhyun was the one being held by the children.

“Ya! You will be guilty if Mr. Byun dies from running out of air!” Baekhyun shouted in between laughs, trying to keep a serious face but giving up after a dozen of chubby arms squeezed him tight. “Chanyeol, help me out here, please!”

Moving through the room until he stepped in front of the circle of kids cornering Baekhyun, Chanyeol grabbed some of them carefully, tickling their napes before handing them the candies.

A few meters away from the epicenter was the school teacher with her cell phone, capturing the moment she was observing as something the soon-to-be teachers would love to save for the future, going back to the picture that started it all.

“Mr. Byun and Mr. Park!” she called loudly, and when the boys turned to look at her, she pointed at her phone before adding, “I’m going to take a picture, so, pose with the class!”

The kids turned around immediately after hearing the word pose, holding up the peace sign and bringing Chanyeol and Baekhyun to do the same.

Chanyeol, who had ended up being beside Baekhyun when the kids moved to position themselves better for the picture, didn’t think twice before hanging his arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder, smiling back at the boy when feeling the other boy’s arm holding him by his waist.

 _Flash._ Another new memory was made.

But the moment was broken when the hand on his waist squeezed him softly to make him look at its owner, who muttered _she’s calling you_ before pushing him out of the crowd of people.

Sending the students away to the recess, Mrs. Anne asks Chanyeol to get closer to her table. “Mr. Chanyeol, before I thank you both for helping me, I want to send you the pictures I took of you with the class, so please give me your number.”

“Oh,” Chanyeol said before touching his back pocket, searching for his phone, “give me a second, please.”

“Tell me the numbers for now.”

After successfully finding his phone, Chanyeol saw the notification from the pictures, hurrying to thank the teacher cordially.

Chanyeol hadn’t noticed how close he and Mrs. Anne were until he remembered they weren’t the only ones in the classroom, turning slightly to his right and finding Baekhyun looking back at them.

In Chanyeol’s eyes, Baekhyun was lost in the contemplation of the sight in front of him.

He wasn’t looking directly at him nor at the teacher, who was too busy with her phone to even notice what was happening. Baekhyun’s gaze was set somewhere in between the two, observing in silence with a face Chanyeol couldn’t fathom to read, even though he tried.

Unable to move and to do anything to snap Baekhyun out of his state, Chanyeol fixed his gaze on him, striving to decipher the mystery behind that secretive mind.

Until their eyes met and Chanyeol saw the dullness his gaze held.

The gloomy mood was ordering his mind to turn to the teacher again, thanking her in name of him and his friend for receiving them, and the footsteps coming on his way gave him the hint that Baekhyun was finally back on earth.

Baekhyun bowed to the teacher in gratitude. “Chanyeol, let’s go.”

Walking through the school was full of silence then, with Chanyeol unconsciously hugging himself and Baekhyun walking in automatic mode next to him. They were out of the school gate in a matter of some minutes.

Chanyeol didn’t want to end the day feeling like shit. He didn’t know what had happened to Baekhyun to change his behavior completely, and asking him would probably give him a better idea of his reasons.

“Baekhyun,” he sighed, unlinking his arms and drying his sweaty hands on his pants, “is there something wrong?” Chanyeol bit his lip before continuing. “Did I do something wrong?”

And that was all it took Baekhyun to look at him again after giving him the silent treatment. “What? No, no, you didn’t,” Baekhyun said with a hoarse voice, running his hand through his hair, “You didn’t do anything wrong. I just feel… tired”

Swallowing down and stepping closer to the shivering boy, Chanyeol placed his hand over Baekhyun’s forehead to check his temperature in case a headache was the reason why he had started acting all distant. “Does it hurt?”

Why did he feel like he couldn’t reach Baekhyun even when touching him?

Why did his chest hurt when looking at his sad reflection in Baekhyun’s eyes?

At some point Baekhyun had stopped looking at him, now staring at their feet like they had all the time in the world.

“Not there, though my head is spinning like never before.”

Taking advantage of the silence, Baekhyun took Chanyeol’s hand in his softly, and the way the boy was paying close attention to their entwined hands made Chanyeol look at them too with a warm feeling in his heart. A feeling that disappeared when Baekhyun dropped his hand, replaced instead by the chilly breeze of the city and its daily white noise.

Their conversation must have taken longer than what they thought because the streets were filled with cars and buses none of they had noticed, and that gave Baekhyun the perfect escapade for the uncomfortable situation. So it wasn’t a surprise for Chanyeol to catch the boy glancing at both sides, searching for something to take him away from there, and maybe for him too.

Baekhyun, however, still bought himself to give Chanyeol a small smile, though this time it didn’t reach his eyes like it usually did. “I gotta go now. And Chanyeol…”

And Chanyeol was holding his breath at this point, feeling a cold sweat formed his forehead and invading his mind. His anxiety was probably at its highest right now, and he didn’t know if he could take it any longer.

“Don’t think too much about it, got it? I’m just tired, and today’s experience was… a lot to take. See you on Monday?”

Feeling somehow relieved at his words, Chanyeol nodded and mirrored Baekhyun’s smile in spite of not having the desire of doing so.

While looking at his sunshine disappearing from view, his eyes moved from the horizon to the sky full of clouds, which looked like they were aiming to impress him with their speed. Chanyeol thought he hadn’t observed the clouds since he was a kid to notice how fast they moved whenever one paid close attention to them. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! it's me again with a new chapter :D I'm sorry for taking a long time with this chapter but I got 3 of my wisdom teeth removed during the last two weeks and I wasn't feeling well. Thank you for reading this story, have a beautiful week and please wait for the next chapter!  
> Also: I had a hard time writing the last part of this chapter because I couldn't get in the sad mood and I tried listening to sad love songs but it was impossible okgfhkpokoyujpokypjpokyjupoyu so yes, I hope you like it (:


	6. Lean on me

What do people usually do on a Saturday? This day was, apparently, made for the night live and the youth, leaving most of its hours out of the spotlight, and focusing on the usage of the saved adrenaline during a whole week for a moment that would be forgotten for the next days, waiting for the moment time could bring it back again. So what do people do when a Saturday doesn’t feel like a Saturday at all? Should one go for a walk, hoping to meet someone to share the day with?

Maybe streaming a guitar was what a musician would choose to do. That if said musician knew how to play guitar in the first place. Maybe a family would spend the day out, eating at their favorite restaurant or going to a cinema to watch the newest film in town. But people whose minds were a mess would probably spend the day looking at the life they were wasting from a comfortable distance, looking at it leaving their place to run to the sun until both met again over the sea.

Even if it seemed like the perfect day, it was far from perfect for Chanyeol, who after having a miserable tea as breakfast had been staring out of the window as the miserable man he was today. Things always could be worse, and that’s what they say, but not today. Not when he couldn’t even bring himself to do household chores to clean the mess in his life like any normal person who had nothing to do would end up doing.

Life was hitting his face with lemons, and he was willing to accept the hits.

After forcing himself to take a cold shower so he could gain energy in such hot day, Chanyeol dressed up comfortably, picking up a black hoodie and some grey sweatpants from the closet. He figured that if today was going to be a blue day, at least he could choose to wear his favorite clothes to lighten up his mood.

It was past midday when he opted to text his friends to check what they were doing.

(12:09) Hey boys

**(12:12) *intensely dances to whistle***

**(12:12) omg I forgot this chat existed**

(12:13) me too

_(12:14) Why am I surprised by how fast you are replying on a Saturday?_

(12:15) I just woke up,,, what about you

**(12:17) I was helping my sister with the kids like the good person I am**

(12:18) K

(12:18) K

_(12:18)…_

(12:19) Stop blushing soo

_(12:19) I literally said nothing_

**(12:19) Hello? I’m here too?**

_(12:20) Hi nini_

**(12:20) Hi soo <3**

(12:21) Chanyeol please save me from these two I swear to God (all might)

(12:22) Chanyeol?

(12:22) Roger that

**(12:24) WAIT. why aren’t you sending all the uwus and ^^s??**

(12:25) I was about to ask the same question. Is it you, Chanyeol? *calling the cops*

_(12:26) Is your keyboard okay?_

(12:26) K

**(12:26) K**

_(12:27) Guys_

(12:28) Yeah… feeling kinda

(12:28) Meh

(12:29) :(

(12:29) do you wanna hang out?

**(12:30) yeah, let’s go out yeol**

**(12:31) I’m not doing anything anyways and we haven’t seen each other outside uni in a long time**

_(12:32) I agree (:_

_(12:33) If we are all free then pick a place you like_

(12:34) really???

(12:35) yeah, pick a place before this couple changes their minds

**(12:36) *please choose the cinema* *please choose the cinema***

_(12:36) really (:_

_(12:37) and why do you want to go to the cinema, Nini?_

**(12:37) because of reasons :|**

_(12:38) Ok(?_

(12:38) K*

(12:39) so what do you say :D??

(12:40) Thank you guys :’( <3 <3 <3 let’s go!! ^^

**(12:40) There they are**

(12:40) and the uwus?

(12:41) uwu

(12:41) <3

_(12:42) Ok giant, where are you taking us then?_

\-------

As expected for a sunny Saturday day like this one, the beach was full of life everywhere. People from all ages were enjoying the different activities there was to offer, some few swimming and playing on the chilling water, and some others buying food and wandering around before throwing themselves over the burning sand.

Chanyeol had been the first of the group to arrive, and after admiring the blinding view for about a minute, he started walking around until he spotted some benches near a food truck. That would be his next stop.

Once the sweat had started to stain all of his skin and clothes as a reminder of the dangerous effects the hard sun had, Chanyeol thought how fortunate he was for bringing his sunglasses with him because that way he could protect his eyes from the sunlight, but also from his curious friends. He didn’t want them to ask about his puffy eyes nor the reason behind the swelling.

That would mean he would have to explain to them why he had been crying all night until he fell asleep, and even though he had gathered them there to distract himself from the sadness for a couple of hours before having to face reality again, he still wasn’t sure if telling them the real story as soon as meeting them would be a good idea. He wanted to tell them, but it wouldn’t hurt him to clear his mind first.

He didn’t need to wait alone for long, however, because out of nowhere Sehun started making his way to the bench, walking among people as if the streets were a catwalk and catching the attention of all the female who passed by him.

The obliviousness of his friend about his attractive appearance always amazed Chanyeol and made him smile because out of all the qualities Sehun had, that was probably the one he cared about the less, and that fact said a lot about him as a person.

“Look who I found here.” Sehun high-fived Chanyeol before sitting next to him, moving until noticing there was no way to avoid the sun while being on the bench. “Were you waiting for too long?”

Chanyeol could read the worry on his friend’s face, so he shrugged off the tiredness he had been feeling since he woke up. “Not really, just a few minutes. Did you put on sunscreen already?

“Yeah, do you need some– isn’t that the cringey couple right there?” said Sehun while pointing at their two friends who were bringing a bag of McDonald’s.

With his eyes glued to the bag and thinking how much bad luck he could have to associate such a popular fast food company to a dear but painful memory, Chanyeol didn’t notice Sehun was clapping next to him. A few seconds later and the four boys were trying to fit on the small bench, pushing each other to gain a few centimeters for themselves.

“So,” Jongin started saying without taking his eyes off Kyungsoo, “Soo and I brought some food for you to enjoy for free, so consider yourself lucky.”

“Wow, you’re such a considerate man Jongin, look at you,” Sehun said mockingly, stretching his arm for Jongin to high-five his hand, which came a little later than expected as the latter was still looking at another person.

“I know I am.”

Kyungsoo stopped smiling at his boyfriend when he heard Chanyeol sighing, remembering why he had gathered them there in the first place.

“Yeol,” he called calmly, “tell us what you have planned for today’s meeting.”

Well, Chanyeol hadn’t really thought of anything, so he told them the truth with shame.

“Then let’s lie on the sand while we eat, and then we see what else to do. How about that?”

Chanyeol nodded, styling his hair. “Sounds good.”

Standing up quickly, Sehun grabbed Chanyeol by his arm. “Let’s go then!”

“You know it’s true friendship when they give you their last fries,” Jongin said while rubbing his belly, making Sehun throw him a ball made out of the paper napkins they got with the food.

The group had been sitting on the sand for more than an hour, eating and talking about anything but major related things because that was the main topic of their conversations most of the time.

The sky had been painted with many clouds, outshining the beauty of the sun. Still, there was one boy who was too immersed in his thoughts to notice he had obtained his so craved shadow.

Chanyeol really was trying to distract himself from his thoughts, but he was having a hard time focusing on the conversation going beside him. The sound of the sea had somehow calmed him down, but the pain in his chest remained, aching from the sense of feeling lost he had been feeling since the last time he and Baekhyun spoke.

He couldn’t stop seeing Baekhyun walking away from him when all he wanted was to hold him close, to tell him he could trust him, and to ask him what was wrong. He knew he had to stop feeling sorry for himself, but he couldn’t control his feelings when it came to Baekhyun.

It could be hard for a lot of people to understand Chanyeol’s feelings for the boy, or to understand why he suffered so much when they hadn’t even been together. But that was exactly why made it all worse; even if he loved Baekhyun and was almost sure Baekhyun felt something for him, there was something in between that had kept them apart that he couldn’t see clearly. It was as if life had put them together for a short moment before turning them apart without warning, just to make him look back at a time he didn’t know he would be the happiest, knowing it was too late.

As if life wanted Chanyeol to suffer by making him stand next to Baekhyun for all those years while leaving him out of reach.

Or maybe all those thoughts were just conspiracies of his negative mind.

He had been staring at the sea for a while, looking at the seagulls flying over the children and making funny sounds as if they were throwing a tantrum to them when he caught Sehun staring back at him. He didn’t know for how long his friend had been looking at his direction, but something told him the other boys had realized how unconnected from them he was today.

Pointing his finger at Chanyeol playfully, Sehun volunteered himself as the one to break the ice when nobody knew what to say. “Let me tell you I’m surprised by your outfit. I would have expected you to wear your typical hoodies and sweatpants you always wear.”

Chanyeol didn’t know if his friend was trying to lighten to mood or to roast him, so he laughed nervously at his words because thank God he had changed his clothes the last minute before leaving, otherwise the fashion police that happened to be his friend would have scolded him the whole day, and he didn’t know if he could deal with that right now.

“Are you _okay?_ ” was the question Jongin made, finally addressing the elephant in the room.

Admitting he was not okay was always a scary thing for Chanyeol. Because it was hard to say at loud, he lowered his gaze, picking up sand with his hands to keep them entertained with something before opening his heart with a small voice. “ _I’m not…”_

Silence.

“We noticed,” Sehun said abruptly, changing his position and facing him completely. “But if you don’t feel like telling us, please let us try to make you feel better for now. That’s the least we can do for you.”

“Why do you choose to be sad on your own when we can be sad with you?” Jongin added while rubbing Chanyeol’s back.

Chanyeol looked straight into Jongin’s eyes. “But you’re smiling.”

“I said what I said.”

He didn’t need to hear any word coming from Kyungsoo’s mouth because as soon as the two exchanged glances, Chanyeol knew what his friend wanted him to know.

And with that came the end of their talk and the start of a swimming day, with the four boys coming in and out of the water for the rest of the day, playing games on the shore while recovering before sinking into the water again.

Had they been worried about the time, they would have noticed how most of the beach was almost empty now that the sun had gone down.

Spending the day with friends who were willing to spend the day with him made Chanyeol bring back his old habit of giving hugs for free. He picked up Kyungsoo, then Sehun, and then Jongin in his arms, turning around each time he held anyone new.

His once heavy heart was lighter again, but Chanyeol always struggled with finding the right words to express himself, so he trusted in the power his hugs had to convey all of his emotions. And, maybe, a single “thank you” would make it too.

The wind got intense after Jongin put on his jacket, handling Sehun the coat he had left over the sand. “Is it 8 pm already? I think it’s time to leave this place, guys.”

“I need to leave too, or mom will start calling me every five minutes.”

“Hey Sehun, we live in the same direction. Let’s go together.”

“Okay. What about you two?”

The truth was Chanyeol didn’t want to leave yet. Not before talking with the person he needed to talk so he could get back to sleep at night without shedding tears.

Chanyeol couldn’t always rely on his friend to decipher him; he had to make the effort of speaking his mind. He would be bold, and he would do it because he owed Kyungsoo and himself. “I would like to stay a little longer with Soo if there’s no problem.”

Even if Sehun and Jongin faces froze for a second, they quickly turned back to their previous expressions, nodding to Chanyeol’s request. Kyungsoo, much to Chanyeol’s surprise, didn’t even question him. He just waved the boys goodbye after kissing Jongin and asked Chanyeol to sit closer to the sea.

The two friends hadn’t looked at each other since they had sat down. Both were facing the sea, instead, chasing the movement of the waves with their eyes while the sea breeze impregnated their skin. The hidden sun and the appearance of the stars were supposed to announce the arrival of the night, and with it, the entertainment of the week. But at that moment, there was only Chanyeol and Kyungsoo in the world.

Chanyeol wasn’t sure if he had to blame it on the weather, but the idea of coming clean with a story he had been unable to reveal to even his closest friends gave him goosebumps. It was scary, so scary to open up, no matter how much trust he could put in someone. It would always be hard to show how real he was.

This was it. So, where should he start?

“Kyungsoo”

“Hmm”

Admiring the view in front didn’t let Chanyeol check if Kyungsoo was looking at him, but it was safer to keep his eyes fixed on the ocean. “Soo, I… well, I...” His throat was dry. “Is it okay if I ask you to tell me about your relationship with Jongin?”

He made it. Chanyeol would treat himself later for starting a conversation about love. He wasn’t where he wanted to get yet, but he would eventually. He would get there.

A few seconds passed in complete silence until Chanyeol heard the sound of a chuckle coming from his left.

“It is. What do you want to know about it?”

Chanyeol hadn’t noticed how stiff his muscles were until he processed Kyungsoo’s words, feeling his body relaxed once he understood there was no problem in asking about their friends’ relationship. “Well, I would like to know how you feel while being with him.” He gave Kyungsoo a quick glance, looking back at his hands after catching him staring at him. “And maybe, how it feels to be in a relationship with the person you love.”

He dared to look at Kyungsoo again, who was now hugging his legs and resting his head on them, giving the impression of being younger than he actually was.

“I would say it’s difficult.” Chanyeol gave him a puzzled look before he continued. “Being in a relationship is difficult. When you first start liking someone, you create this perfect image of them because your emotions trick you into thinking _they_ are perfect. But when you start a romantic relationship with someone, you realize you might have been wrong about idolizing your partner.”

There was a moment of silent reflection when no one dared to say anything until Kyungsoo spoke again. “But that is, Chanyeol, the true magic of love; you fall for someone regardless of their flaws,” Kyungsoo said gently, smiling to himself. “That’s how I feel about Jongin. I’m slowly falling in love with all of his parts.”

And Chanyeol stopped feeling cold after hearing those words, heat filling his body and making him giggle. “That’s cute.”

“It is.” Kyungsoo licked his lips slowly, frowning. “You can now tell me what’s making you ask about love issues if you want.”

Chanyeol took a deep breath before letting out a shaky laugh. He was about to open his mouth, still unsure of where to begin with when Kyungsoo interrupted him.

“I know how difficult it might be for you Chanyeol, and I want you to know you don’t need to explain me anything. But, if sharing your feelings with me makes you feel better… then, let me help you.”

Those words were enough for Chanyeol. He was ready.

He copied Kyungsoo’s pose, and he told himself a last _‘don’t think too much’_ before starting his confession.

“I think I’m in love, Kyungsoo. I– I know I am, but I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve been in love with this person since I was a kid, never fell for anyone but him, and there’s no one else but him when I think of the future. I thought I was used to loving him without expecting him to return my feelings, used to be too scared to trust people, used to watch him from afar even if it was a short distance. But I’m not so sure anymore.” He suddenly felt smaller than ever, and he had to bit his lips to stop the trembling. “…I’m in love with Baekhyun, but he keeps pushing me away when we’re getting closer, and I don’t know if I’m a bad person for wanting to be with him. I don’t know if I should just let him go.”

He would not cry.

He didn’t need to cry right now.

And luckily, a hand on his shoulder came before his tears could leave his eyes.

“So, what’s stopping you is not knowing if you should be selfish or not.”

Kyungsoo got Chanyeol’s attention. “Because you kind of promised yourself you would love Baekhyun unconditionally, but now that you two have started to interact for real, you don’t know what to do when Baekhyun steps away.”

Chanyeol couldn’t do anything but blink.

“I’m going to tell you two things, Chanyeol, so pay attention. The first thing is that you need to be selfish in this case. I understand your good intentions, believe me, because I know you don’t want to force anyone to love you back just because you love them. But I’m sure you first need to know what the other part thinks about your logic. Maybe you’re overthinking too much when it’s not even necessary.”

“And why do you think that?” Chanyeol argued back, pouting like a kid who had been scolded.

“Because eyes don’t lie,” Kyungsoo told him with a grin. “And the second thing is that you need to know what’s making Baekhyun run away every time you start to get closer. Do you have any idea of why he does it?”

He needed to think about what Kyungsoo told him. Chanyeol didn’t understand what his friend meant when telling him eyes didn’t lie, but he preferred to focus on the second part. He spent for about a minute on thinking of people who could be preventing Baekhyun from doing anything with him, but no face came to his mind. How could it be? What could it be then?

“I don’t think Baekhyun is in love with another person,” Chanyeol said as if he was asking a question instead of stating his opinion.

“I see. What makes you think the problem here involves a third person though?”

“What?”

“Do you like books, Yeol?”

The topic had changed so fast that Chanyeol took some time to catch where the conversation was going, but he still couldn’t understand why they had gone from talking about love to talking about books.“You know I do, but why are we talking about this now?”

“Well, If you like books, then you can tell me what kind of antagonists you can find on books. Tell me, Chanyeol; is the antagonist of a story always a person?”

Chanyeol felt it coming, his mind working faster than ever to deliver him the truth he had failed to see before. He was starting to understand, he would know now.

“So?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Sometimes the antagonist is the protagonist’s inner conflict–”

“Sometimes the antagonist of a story is a feeling that stops the protagonist from overcoming his problems so they can achieve their goal.”

“Wow. That was mind-blowing.”

“That’s all you have to say?” Kyungsoo said, amazed by his friend’s simple mind.

“And thank you,” he replied, feeling lighter for the first time in the day. “But really, thank you Soo. I think I get it now. Thank you for being there for me.”

“You’re welcome Yeol, but is it rude to ask if we can go home now? Since we talked about your problem and you’re feeling better–”

“Yeah, I really need to sleep anyways. But before we go,” Chanyeol said before turning to his left to hug Kyungsoo. He waited until he felt some pats on his back to break off the hug. “Now we can leave.”

On his way to his house, Chanyeol had a lot of time to think about the talk he had had with Kyungsoo. It had opened his mind to new possibilities he hadn’t think of before for not having an extra opinion.

After the talk with Kyungsoo, he had started to feel brave again, proud of his feelings for Baekhyun. He didn’t know what exactly was stopping Baekhyun from getting engaged in a romantic relationship with someone –that someone that he would like to think it was him –but he now knew it could be related to an internal conflict.

Sadly, that was something he couldn’t change, as it was Baekhyun’s responsibility to solve whatever that was tormenting his mind. But Chanyeol could be honest with him about his feelings, making it clear that it wasn’t his intention to make him feel pressured to anything, that his reasons were others.

This wasn’t only for Baekhyun. He had to do this for himself too.

Chanyeol made a decision that night; this would be his final step in owning his feelings.

It was about 11 pm when Chanyeol unlocked his phone, looking for the contact he was about to send an important message to.

(23:03) Baekhyun, do you want to hang out tomorrow?

(23:04) If you’re free, ofc!

Chanyeol still had a long way until he could start being selfish. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! Today's chapter is shorter than the last two ones but is one of the chapters that I wanted to write the most since I planned the story. Sometimes we have a lot of worries in life and we prefer not to bother anyone with our problems, but people who love us will always be willing to listen, and I wanted to portray that in simple words. I hope you're doing great and I'd love to know what you're thinking about the story. Have a good week anddddddd wait for the last chapters. We're finally reaching the climax of the story.  
> EDIT: HI! It's been a while since I last updated and I wanted to tell you that it's because I found a temporary job out of nowhere and it's really hard but I will be free at the end of this week, so if there are people waiting for a new chapter please wait a little longer. Thank you (:


	7. Hello my old heart

_**(08:15) Oh** _

_**(08:15) Hey yeol! I’m free so I think there’s no problem** _

_**(08:16) what do you have in mind?** _

The answer to the messages Chanyeol had sent the day before came surprisingly early for a Sunday, greeting him an hour later after receiving them when the boy had started fighting with his bed sheets, throwing them away with his feet. If the sweat on his forehead wasn’t enough proof that this was going to be a sunny day, then the light coming through the windows would be a good indicator too.

Rereading the messages he had sent Baekhyun the last night made Chanyeol shiver. Yes, he had been brave enough to invite him somewhere, determined to confess his feelings once and for all. He hadn’t thought, however, where they would go, or how he would put his feelings into words. All the courage he had gathered had vanished now that the morning had come.

He started thinking of places where he could take Baekhyun to, but none of them was anything special. Places like the beach or a park were good options for having a nice casual chat, and on any other occasion, he would have been glad to spend his time with any of his friends there.

But this was different. Today was different, and therefore, he needed to pick a place where the two of them could be comfortable in silence, with no one to bother them.

Chanyeol had spent more than fifteen minutes thinking of the best options when an old memory with his mom came to his mind. He couldn’t remember when exactly this day had taken place, but he could see the face of the younger woman looking down at him and holding his hand, walking them through a rainbow ocean with fresh fragrances. Even after all this time, this memory remained intact, warming his heart every time he started to feel homesick due to being away from home.

If a place like that existed so close to where they were, there couldn’t be any better option but the garden he cherished so much.

It was still early when Chanyeol decided to text Baekhyun back, but he knew they would have to hurry if they wanted to make the most of the day.

(09:41) It’s a surprise!! Let’s meet at the Cheongpyeong station at 13:00 ^^

(09:42) I’d wear some comfortable clothes if I were you

A noise from outside caught Chanyeol’s attention, and once he had finally stood up to check where the noise was coming from after fighting the need to stay in bed for five more minutes, he rushed to the bathroom.

He had a long day coming ahead, and the list of things he needed to do before leaving home made him impatient.

\-------

Time had passed faster than he would have liked, and what was supposed to be a long morning of mental preparation for what he would do later had now come to an end.

Chanyeol, who’s loose t-shirt was stained in sweat just like most of the people around him, was gripping the subway pole with all of his strength. He knew he had less than five minutes until arriving at his final stop, and that meant he was about to face Baekhyun.

His head hadn’t stopped imagining all the different scenarios his confession could lead to since he had made up his mind on telling Baekhyun the truth, and this trip was doing nothing but increasing his thoughts.

A monotonous voice then informed all the passengers where they were, and a few seconds later he was reaching the station’s exit with just a few of the people he had been with before.

 _‘He’ll arrive here soon’_ he thought. There was no room for backing off now that he had made the effort of taking the biggest risk of his life. He needed to go with his plan until the end.

But maybe Chanyeol still needed some reassurance that everything would be alright because old habits die hard, so maybe texting Kyungsoo one last time before he would do everything on his own wasn’t that crazy of an idea.

(13:03) I’m gonna die ;_;

_(13:04) You’re not going to die. Unless Baekhyun decides to kill you after hearing your confession_

(13:04) …

(13:04) is that suppose to make me feel better?

_(13:05) No_

_(13:05) But I’m having fun_

_(13:06) You’ll be fine Yeol. Be yourself and be honest_

(13:06) Is that all?!?

Okay, maybe texting Kyungsoo wasn’t a good idea.

“Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol was taken aback, recognizing the voice of the person who had said those words only after remembering who he was supposed to meet that day, and that didn’t put him at ease.

But once he looked at Baekhyun, he noticed how he wasn’t the only one feeling nervous about their casual date, as the boy was having trouble keeping his gaze on Chanyeol for more than a second, and kept moving his hands as if he didn’t know what to do with them.

It was either that or that the poor boy was copying his actions.

“Sorry Baek,” Chanyeol started saying slowly, taking his time to think about what he was supposed to say next. “I was just talking with a friend. How have you been these days? Was it hard to get here?” That was it. He had to start with some small talk.

Baekhyun had started following Chanyeol, who was leading him somewhere only he knew. “Fine actually. And it wasn’t hard, but I did have to leave early since the closest station to my house is really far from this one.”

The atmosphere felt heavy, and Chanyeol knew it wasn’t because of the weather. He was thinking of why Baekhyun hadn’t asked him where he was taking him yet, so when they finally reached the bus station, he decided to talk about the topic to defuse the tense situation.

“Are you not going to ask me where we are going?” Chanyeol gave Baekhyun a small smile, wishing the boy could read his intention of having a good day together with no matter how awkward the last time they saw each other had been.

And luckily, Baekhyun returned Chanyeol’s smile. “I didn’t want to sound eager, so I was waiting for you to announce our destination. But now that you ask it, can you tell me where we’re going?”

“You’ll have to wait and see,” he said playfully, amused by seeing Baekhyun rolling his eyes at him.

“Why would you want me to ask you then?”

After insisting on paying for both his ticket and Baekhyun’s, the two boys sat on one of the benches located outside, waiting for their bus to arrive in the next minutes.

Chanyeol was trying to come back with a new topic to entertain themselves during their wait when Baekhyun’s laugh interrupted his thoughts. “Why are you laughing?” he asked with a grin, happy to see him react positively again.

Baekhyun laugh died when he looked back at Chanyeol, now showing off a smirk. “What do I have to do for you to tell me where we are going?”

Oh.

The air suddenly felt hotter than before, making Chanyeol dry his hands on his jeans and avoiding eye contact with Baekhyun for a while. “There’s nothing you can do, I guess,” he said with less confidence in his voice, only to hear the same laugh again.

The teasing stopped as soon as the bus appeared in front of them, and Chanyeol motioned Baekhyun to the line of people formed at its door.

This was their first time traveling together without other people like they had done in the past with school trips, surrounded by loud classmates jumping from their seats, and annoying the shit out of the driver every time they could.

Looking at Baekhyun besides him reminded him of all those times he had observed him from the distance, admiring him in silence, and wishing the boy left his seat and came to sit with him instead.

None of his naïve dreams did ever come true, but time could be wise sometimes.

Looking at Baekhyun, Chanyeol could see how relaxed his shoulders were, and how bright his eyes were only by gazing at the living world outside of the window as if he was seeing everything for the first time.

In a way, it was probably kind of true.

Chanyeol didn’t feel the need to say anything because everything felt right at that moment, but Baekhyun had other plans for them.

“Can you at least tell me how much time are we going to spend on this bus before arriving at who knows where? So maybe I can decide what to do on the meanwhile, you know.”

“I,” Chanyeol looked up for a few seconds before looking at Baekhyun again, “I think I can answer that.” He was starting to enjoy seeing Baekhyun intrigued and curious about the trip. “It won’t be long.”

Baekhyun turned to the window, speaking loud enough for Chanyeol to hear him even if he wasn’t facing him anymore. “Then we won’t be able to play _21 questions_ , but we can hear some music.” He turned to look at him again. “I choose the songs. Deal?”

The face he had grown to adore so much had a mix of innocence and mischievousness look that made him sigh in contentment while placing one earpod on his ear. “Deal”

And to his surprise, a soft melody he hadn’t been expecting filled the air only the two of them could hear. Resting his face on his hand, Chanyeol didn’t notice he was grinning until his friend stared back at him, tilting his head to the right just like him.

His hands had started to inch from the urge of cupping Baekhyun’s cheeks, but he couldn’t just do that now. “Kyuhyun? Never thought you were into ballads.”

Chanyeol didn’t fail to see how Baekhyun’s expressions changed from obliviousness to shyness, perhaps feeling self-aware of how his music choice exposed him about being a big romantic. And even if making him embarrassed wasn’t his intention, Chanyeol couldn’t deny the current view was adorable.

“I’ve always loved ballads, but I’ve been listening to them more these days,” Baekhyun’s voice came out softly as if he was sharing a secret the rest of the world was not supposed to hear. “I have some different music too, you can choose another song if you–”

“No need to, I like them too.” Chanyeol had to readjust on his seat because his last words had been way more sincere than he had intended to, hiding a deeper meaning behind a simple statement.

Closing his eyes, and letting his body mold to the warm seat, Chanyeol verbalized his thought on his major wish for the trip. “Let’s enjoy the transition, so we can have some energy when we get there.”

A few seconds of nothing but silence passed until Chanyeol felt the body next to him moving on his seat, and his left hand collided with something that made his eyes to open slowly, afraid of finding disappointment instead of a warming hand beside his.

He wouldn’t need to feel sorry for himself because then he would found what he had expected to, and his grin only became bigger when his eyes moved to Baekhyun’s lips, which were mirroring his.

Resting his head against the backseat again, his gaze landed on the proximity of their hands, one next to the other, and his stomach recreated the same feeling he used to have when he was a little kid sitting beside his crush.

And then, it hit him. He didn’t need to hold his hand.

Not now.

Not yet.

He needed to wait a little longer, and then maybe …

But for now, lingering on a _maybe_ was enough.

For now, sharing that level of intimacy was enough.

\-------

Had not been for the engine noise coming to an end, Chanyeol wouldn’t have noticed the bus had stopped moving, making the people around them stand up and take their belongings with them.

After peeking at the opposite window, Chanyeol turned to his side to shake Baekhyun’s shoulder carefully. “Baek, wake up. We’ve arrived.”

“I wasn’t sleeping,” he mumbled weakly, frowning and pouting like an angry old man who’s been awakened from his daily nap. Just as he was about to open his eyes after rubbing them with his hand, Chanyeol interrupted him with a shout.

“Wait! Don’t open your eyes yet.”

They were almost the only people left on the bus by now, and Chanyeol didn’t know why none of them had said a word after his request for the last 15 seconds.

This was it. His plan had ended before even starting.

“Are you going to murder me?”

“What–”

“Is that the reason why you brought me here? Really, Chanyeol?”

Okay. So, Chanyeol was stupid, but so was Baekhyun. What was he even worried about?

“What are you– Listen, Baek. I just want to surprise you, Okay? Will you follow me now?”

Chuckling, Baekhyun pretended to touch the invisible walls around him. “Okay, but stop being grumpy, please. I can’t trust a grumpy person to guide me now that I’m suddenly blind.”

Attempting to suppress his laugh but failing, Chanyeol quickly composed himself to speak. “It’s temporary. Now come on, pick up your bag and grab onto my t-shirt, unless you want to stay here alone.”

Following his order partially, Baekhyun grabbed his t-shirt with one hand and Chanyeol’s shoulder with the other, walking slowly in fear of tripping over something and losing his balance. “I’m sure the driver wouldn’t mind.”

‘I would,’ Chanyeol thought to himself.

Once they had passed through the obstacle that was the bus’ stairs and had walked more than a few steps away from the vehicle, Chanyeol instructed Baekhyun to open his eyes again.

He wasn’t expecting to be the one surprised by the boy’s cute reaction after realizing where they were. But who could blame him when Baekhyun’s eyes were all over the place, sparkling at every person walking by them.

Seeing how difficult it was for Baekhyun to be the first one to speak, based on how he still hadn’t closed his mouth from the shock, Chanyeol took it as a chance to lead the conversation once again. “So, have you been here before?”

And that finally caught Baekhyun’s attention, whose chin trembled for a second before it got still. “Just once, when I was a kid.”

In Chanyeol’s eyes, Baekhyun looked so moved by what was happening that he didn’t know if he had done something wrong. What if this place made him remember a bad memory?

Until Baekhyun spoke again, clearing all of his doubts. “I really like this garden, Chanyeol. Thank you for bringing me here.”

Chanyeol didn’t need more proof than his pretty smile to believe there was nothing wrong. “No need to thank me.” And as he felt his eyes getting somehow wet, he scrunched his nose to prevent any kind of emotional reaction at this early. “Let’s go.”

Now, memories tend to be altered from reality, especially when said memory took place so many years ago when one didn’t even have the capacity to remember the entire different stimulus present in that moment. But his mind was completely right when it told him how big of a place that garden could be.

Walking side by side, the two boys began wandering around at their own pace, not trying to follow the groups of people who would probably be part of some local tours. They didn’t need to when their focus wasn’t to learn about all the kind of plants and flowers growing there but to have a quality time together.

Having forgotten about their awkward state a long time ago, the day provided them the greatest gift of humanity: losing yourself in time.

Tomorrow could bring all the insecurities and responsibilities back in a snap of fingers, but they could only have today once. They could only rely on today to forget about the university, all the tests yet to come, and all their own problems.

So when Chanyeol heard the sound of the shutter and captured Baekhyun in his eyes just like the camera had done with him just now, the thought of his duties went straight to the back of his mind.

The hours had passed by right in front of his eyes, with little fights of who could take more photos of the other without him being aware, and discussing who had less knowledge on the local flora. However, the grumbling of Baekhyun’s stomach alerted the whole nation of what they hadn’t been paying attention to; it was time for lunch.

“I never thought about bringing food with us!” Baekhyun lamented himself while rubbing his tummy. “I guess we’ll have to wait until the end to buy some”

Ignoring the other’s words, Chanyeol moved a few steps away from the garden path just to be followed by Baekhyun, sitting close to the pond garden they had been gazing from the distance before. Opening his bag, he didn’t wait for Baekhyun’s questions about what he was doing. He just took out the food pots and gave his friend one, observing his face.

But he was unable to read the emotions behind his eyes. As long as they kept on sparkling, he thought, he wouldn’t mind understanding little to nothing.

“You really got it all planned out, didn’t you?”

Raising both hands over his head, Chanyeol looked at Baekhyun briefly. “Is it wrong?”

Only to be laughed at. “Not at all,” he said before narrowing his eyes. “Is this poisoned?”

“What’s with the dead topic again, Baekhyun. I swear–”

“I’m just trying to make a joke,” he interrupted him, fanning his face.

It looked like they were the only souls in the area, not having encountered any other person during their whole lunch, similar to their last meetings. Chanyeol wasn’t sure if that was an actual thing; feeling like they were the only ones in kilometers, or if they were just living in their own bubble, forgetting about their surroundings.

That didn’t matter, however, because the atmosphere was serene, with only the sounds of the wind to make them company, and occasionally, their voices.

Chest rising and falling, Chanyeol appreciated how Baekhyun’s breath created thin smoke in the air every time it left his lungs, almost impossible to detect at a glance, having the weather cooled off somehow in the course of the day. It wasn’t enough to make them freeze, though, as they put on some sweaters to warm up their bodies before returning to the main path.

The special tour continued with the two boys exploring the Garden of Morning Calm; a place that lived up its name, even when visiting it at any other time of the day. The once sunny weather had turned the sky into a cloudy painting, giving place to a peaceful mood.

And so, when the sun began to set, Chanyeol knew it was time to do what he had promised himself to.

All the build-up to this moment had prepared him to act as the new person he had become.

Chanyeol took care of leading them to an isolated place for the last time, and putting into practice his breathing technique to calm himself down, he made sure of sitting face to face with Baekhyun, informing him this was their last stop before leaving, inwardly thanking someone up there when he didn’t have to explain his reasons behind the decision.

Just by looking at the boy in front of him, he could see how much their relationship had changed in the course of their youth.

Maybe it was nothing but baby steps in other people’s stories. Maybe some people had their lives resolved at such age.

But this was _his_ story, and Chanyeol couldn’t be prouder of where he was.

He was about to open his mouth when Baekhyun stopped him. Had he paid close attention to him, Chanyeol would have noticed how he wasn’t the only one gathering all of his courage to start a new chapter on an old, forgotten book.

“I’m grateful.”

As if reading his mind, the words he wanted to say out loud were spoken by someone else, and the only thing he could force himself to do was to stare at him.

The sun could no longer be seen at the horizon, but it was instead staring back at him, patiently.

And for a split second, Chanyeol saw the world opening up to him.

“For being here together.”

In the last couple of months, Chanyeol’s life had changed in more ways he would ever have thought of.

For someone like him, the word _change_ did always come together with the word _fear._

But life had always required accepting the change to keep going. To grow up.

That evening, the little boy who was scared of his own nature made amends to his current self, waving goodbye for the last time before leaving.

Chanyeol was finally ready.

Taking a big and long breath, and looking at the particular white flower that was growing in between them instead of looking at the person he was about to open his heart to, Chanyeol started thinking out loud with a little smile.

One that would never leave his face, not even when shaking in nervousness.

“I want to share something with you, Baekhyun.”

Nothing but silence. Nothing but the sound of his heartbeat.

“You might not know this, as I’ve kept it a secret for as long as I can remember. But I feel the need to change that now,” he said as he left out a shaky breath.

“The truth is I’ve always been afraid of… trusting people. I’ve been afraid of being taken advantage of by others, and my fears made me close up to relationships. As fucked up as it sounds.”

His eyes never left the curious flower, losing himself at the simplicity of the small form of life he was witnessing.

Would it make sense if he said his mind was founding meaning in something he couldn’t yet understand as he spoke?

“That must be why I want to thank you too.”

He didn’t have to run away from his feelings anymore.

“Why?”

Even if the question had been nothing more than a whisper, Chanyeol would make sure to do what his past self couldn’t do.

To be better this time.

“Because falling in love with you changed me for the better.”

When the drums stopped playing in his ears, and the air returned to the place it had been before, Chanyeol spilled out the words he had visualized in his mind.

“I’m not confessing because I expect an answer from you, Baekhyun, so there’s no need to feel pressured by my words. The reason why I’m telling you about my feelings is that it’s just the right thing to do.”

Chanyeol didn’t know why he was smiling so much, but he just couldn’t help it.

Today, he was simply _happy._

“I finally own my feelings for you, and whether the feeling it’s mutual or not, it is something I’m truly glad to experience.”

Pure happiness.

“I’m truly proud of falling in love with you, Baek. And I need to thank you for, well, being you. And always taking care of me when I couldn’t. It didn’t matter what kind of relationship we had, because having you by my side helped me to overcome my insecurities, and made me see there were people who would do the best for me, just because of love.”

How on earth had he been able to say all of it without perishing in the effort? Now that he had started sharing his feelings, he found it impossible to stop.

“I will be that person for you too. No matter what happens from now on, I’ll always be someone who you can lean on. I trust you,” he said with a small voice, “and I will make sure you trust me back.”

With a light heart, Chanyeol raised his eyes toward the object of his affection, but his ears were faster than his sight.

Because when Chanyeol’s eyes laid upon Baekhyun, he had already known the boy was weeping.

But this had never been a perfect story, so instead of moving his limbs to comfort the only friend he wasn’t able to protect before, he took some time before doing so.

In the quiet of that evening, Chanyeol hugged Baekhyun for the first time.

And none dared to neither move nor speak, only worried about enjoying their embrace and the way Baekhyun’s head came to rest on the crock of Chanyeol’s neck.

Somehow, deep inside his heart, Chanyeol thought he had been waiting for those few minutes ever since the beginning of all.

And then, a pair of lips on his temple warmed up his skin from the cold.

“I trust you.”

Chanyeol noticed how the tears had run out dry on Baekhyun’s cheeks already.

“I do have an answer … I’ve had it for some time, but now I’m sure.”

And eventually, the light missing in his eyes came back.

“Please wait a little longer for me.”

People used to say lovers tend to mirror each other’s actions, and before, Chanyeol would have cringed at the mere idea of behaving like a fool in love. But he was a believer now.

“Well, do you want to sing something?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! This took longer than I had expected, but we're finally here. Writing this has been a whole rollercoaster, but I've had a great time. Thank you to the people still reading the story, and I hope you enjoy this chapter as well as the next one. Have a nice week and please anticipate the next chapter!!  
> P.S. Hope you're doing fine with Xiumin's news and Baekhyun's birthday ^^


	8. From me, the moon

Getting ready for a new day had never been this fun before, or so Chanyeol thought while he turned off his house’s lights before stepping outside the building. Surrounded by mist, his feet traced the same old route they were used to by now, but there was something different in the air indicating there had been a subtle change after today’s dawn.

It was peculiar, to say at least, how the same old city looked like a completely new one when starting the day with the right foot, or how following the same plain routine could look so fresh as if looking at life through the eyes of someone else.

He couldn’t explain when it had happened, but he was sure the coming of the new season had brought something more than the sun with it.

So when Chanyeol entered the classroom’s door with his group of friends that morning, he wasn’t as surprised as he would have thought to be when spotting Mr. Joo’s favorite student resting his head on his hands with closed eyes.

Now, this was new.

Busy with the first classes of the day, no student got the chance to even go to the bathroom during the lectures, and so the morning went by really quickly for everybody.

It wasn’t until the students had moved to the cafeteria that Chanyeol allowed himself to check what Baekhyun was doing, but the other boy had been faster than him, and the view made Chanyeol thought he wouldn’t mind losing to him this time.

He didn’t have enough time to keep the gaze battle going on when their friends didn’t know about the reason behind his goofy smile, stopping when he started to be aware of the questionable looks they were giving him.

“He has gone insane, I’m telling you,” Jongin said at two directions before returning to him. “I see you’re in a better mood today. I wonder why.”

Even if he tried to keep a serious face, there was no case because of how Kyungsoo was narrowing his eyes and smirking like the devil. “Well, I– I am, yes.”

Was the spring finally arriving at its fullest? Because boy, it was hot in that room.

There was no escape. Chanyeol didn’t know what had stopped the teasing his friends would give him every time they could during the last couple of months, but here it was again, committed to ending his life.

His ears were starting to get hot. “Soo, I need some backup.”

“I have helped you enough, don’t you think?”

“I agree. Tell us what you’re hiding from us, you giant,” Jongin added as he fixed his boyfriend’s hair.

Chanyeol should have noticed by now whose voice was still unheard in the conversation when it was commonly present in whatever topic that included laughing at him, but he understood why it was missing the moment he looked at the same table he had found himself staring before.

“Are you looking at Baekhyun too? Is that why you knew so much about him?” Jongin’s high pitched laugh was catching the attention of more people than just a few boys sitting beside him. “I don’t think Chanyeol will like this, Sehun.”

Laughing humorlessly, Chanyeol shrugged off the sudden thought before his friends could notice the effects such comment could have on him.

“So, if he’s not looking at Baekhyun, who’s he looking at?”

The three boys’ eyes moved at the same time and laid at the boy they had all heard defending them in front of strict teachers on multiple occasions.

Feeling his body relax, Chanyeol laughed sincerely this time when hearing Sehun’s deep sigh. “He’s got it bad.”

“It looks like we have two fools in love now, Jongin.” The smirk on his face was even more notorious. “At least we know Baekhyun didn’t murder the giant after he confessed, so now we have to focus on the other one.”

With Sehun obliviousness to the whole mess and the realization of knowing his friends had known about his one-sided-love during the entire time hitting him, he wished he could hide in a better place than his arms.

“Just what the fuck happened while we were dating?”

Chanyeol saw Kyungsoo’s furrowed brows through the spaces of his hiding place, and let out a big laugh.

“Manners.”

\---

Back to the academic department he used to spend most of his time in, Chanyeol daydreamed about yesterday’s events where he was not supposed to. Busy with the classes, the day had happened too fast to give his mind the proper time to analyze what he had done.

With the teacher’s voice at the background, there was a vivid image that didn’t stop replaying in his mind, and it made his stomach flip in both nervousness and excitement.

He had tried to push the anxiety aside, but he could never lie to himself at the end of the day. Chanyeol didn’t know what to expect from his next encounter with Baekhyun after their talk, and that thought left him feeling uneasy.

Would their conversations become awkward? Or would he feel pressured to give him an answer as soon as possible?

He had been clear, or so he thought, about his reasons for confessing. But he couldn’t control what the other boy thought of all his words.

As the background’s noise became louder, the vibration from his phone broke Chanyeol out from his reverie. There was a new message on the screen and anticipating who could send him a text when the class was finishing revealed how much he wanted it to be from a certain someone.

He felt a little childish for reacting like that, but he couldn’t care less.

**_(18:58) Hey yeol_ **

****

**_(18:58) can you stay with me until everybody leaves? I need you to help me with something_ **

****

Without thinking twice, Chanyeol looked up from his phone to the seats around him, searching for the face of the messenger, and feeling an electric spark when finding him waving back at him.

****

God, that smile would be the death of him.

****

Still mesmerized by the vision he had in front, Chanyeol grabbed Kyungsoo by the arm before turning to look at his friends. “You can go without me today. I need to do something before leaving”

****

Not even waiting for an answer, he stood up from his place and picked as many things as he could while doing so. Who cared about his belongings when he had the urgency to get to the other corner of the classroom? Not him, obviously.

****

But apparently, Baekhyun was busy hitting Jongdae with a white ball until Minseok and Junmyeon took him away from the bully that was his friend, and it wasn’t hard for Chanyeol to see how red Baekhyun’s cheeks had got after that.

****

“Pick up that paper before I give you an extra assignment, Mr. Byun.”

****

One by one, all of the people present before left the place in a hurry, as any person would do after a long and tiring day. Everybody but them, who didn’t dare to speak until the whole room was in complete silence.

****

Chanyeol was confused but happy to actually speak with him for the first time in the day.

****

And to his luck, a couple of seconds were more than enough time to motivate his partner to share his reasons to ask for his help.

****

Baekhyun snorted with laughter, confusing Chanyeol even more.

****

“What?” he asked with a grin, entertained with the happy face in front of him.

****

“It’s just…” he trailed off, but Chanyeol kept silent, encouraging him to continue. “I made you stay until the end just because I wanted to talk with you.”

****

Moving a little closer, but to his disappointment, passing by him to walk to the teacher’s seat, Baekhyun turned on the projector before getting into the classroom’s computer. All the while, Chanyeol waited for any of those actions to make some sense.

****

“I don’t quite follow you, Baek–”

****

“I want to show you a song I was listening to yesterday’s night.”

****

Chanyeol’s first reaction was of astonishment.

****

It was hard to understand why Baekhyun would want to do that out of the blue, as most people would prefer to go straight back home, and maybe then text the other person.

****

But the more he watched Baekhyun talking to himself and tapping his fingers on the table, the more he understood this was Baekhyun’s way of getting closer to him.

****

That was his way of expressing something without words, and it was simply endearing.

****

So he chose not to question whatever Baekhyun would do. After all, he had promised himself to take care of the boy he loved, and that involved listening to him and making the effort to understand him.

****

When the room was getting darker, and fatigue threatened to weaken their spirits, Chanyeol and Baekhyun sang a famous love song together.

****

It was cliché, of course, but it made them laugh.

****

‘I’d love seeing you like this every day,’ he thought.

****

And before he knew it, the moment had come to an end, and he was once again only greeted by soft lights, and hopeful thoughts in those four lonely walls.

****

The following days were almost identical.

****

With the two boys waiting until everybody would leave, the university became a haunted place they needed to explore in secrecy. The empty rooms didn’t offer a variety of ideas to have fun, but they preferred to rely on talking about trivialities in the silence of the evening.

****

Baekhyun would speak, and Chanyeol would listen.

****

And from time to time, people would turn around to stare at them with some strange soft expressions.

****

\-------

****

The smell of coffee was permeating the walls of the long hallway, while stressed students hastened to drink the hot liquid from their mugs, in hope of gaining some energy before getting back into the tedious tasks. With the rest of the weekend available to enjoy as he wished, Chanyeol’s expectations included finishing next week’s projects so he could ask Baekhyun to hang out when he had finished everything.

****

With that thought in mind, he was delaying the time to say goodbye the most he could, so when the other would tell him it was better to get going, he wouldn’t feel the heavy weight on his chest he had been feeling the previous days.

****

On the other hand, Baekhyun had been fidgeting with his sleeves for the past ten minutes, catching Chanyeol’s attention more than once. The latter was having problems with keeping his focus on Baekhyun’s words while looking at the way his hands moved, way too distracted with them.

****

It wasn’t long after that Baekhyun cleared his throat and Chanyeol’s doubts.

****

“Can I walk you home today?”

****

Leaning back, Chanyeol struggled with his words. “Yes, I– l mean, why not?”

****

They were on their way to his house, and though Chanyeol tried to decipher whatever Baekhyun had in mind, he didn’t give it much thought because his wish had been fulfilled without him even taking action to make it happen.

****

Baekhyun, however, was less talkative than his usual self, wearing an absent-minded smile, and only speaking when asking Chanyeol to repeat what he was saying.

****

The brunette had been so absorbed in something Chanyeol couldn’t see, that he tripped and almost fell twice, had it not been for the arm around his waist that stabilized him both times.

****

The wind was gaining strength with every passing minute, and Chanyeol laughed when seeing Baekhyun putting on _his_ gloves because he didn’t even remember he hadn’t returned them since that day.

****

He couldn’t deny there was a strange atmosphere in between them, but how could he ask if there was something wrong? Maybe he had done something wrong unintentionally, and he would only make a fool of himself at not knowing exactly what it had been.

****

Spotting his house in a short distance, Chanyeol decided it was worth a try to be as straightforward as he could. After all, the farewell was imminent, so there was no need to worry about looking too anxious.

****

Immediately after stepping in front of the door, he turned to his side to face Baekhyun, faking a smile to relax. “Well… we’re here.”

****

Baekhyun chewed on his lower lip, avoiding eye contact with the taller. “Yeah…”

****

It was always nice seeing all the unreadable emotions displayed on his face, all the indescribable reactions Chanyeol’s body experienced when trying to guess some of them.

****

But the impatience of his mind was growing more and more that he could no longer stand it. “Is there something wrong, Baek? You’ve been kind of…” he paused for a second, looking for the appropriate word to use. “Troubled.”

****

Seeing the other tensing, he hastened to add, “What I want to say is that if there’s something bothering you, maybe I can … help?”

****

Something of what he said must have caught Baekhyun off guard, whose eyes laid on his after some time. “Actually, I– I wanted to ask you,” he tripped over his words, sighing before he continued, “may I come in? I need to give you something, but I can’t do that if I freeze here.”

****

Chanyeol took a few seconds to understand what he had meant by that, and his face froze until the cold air forced him to blink repeatedly.

****

He wanted to say something, but his dry throat prevented him from doing so, and the only answer he could think of at the moment was nodding to his request.

****

Moving to a side, Chanyeol motioned Baekhyun to enter his house and followed behind him before leading them to the living room.

****

Having a visitor in his place after a long time made Chanyeol pay attention to all the little details on the building, such as all the organized books placed over the shelf, and the not-so-clean furniture decorating the room. He was almost sure of having done his household chores a few days ago, but Baekhyun could have a different opinion from him.

****

While accommodating themselves on the small but comfy sofa, Baekhyun rubbed his covered hands together, what reminded him of how easily cold the boy could get most of the time. And after offering some tea to warm him up, he hurried to the kitchen to prepare the two cups.

****

The electric kettle’s sound was starting to get to his nerves, however. ‘What’s happening?’ Chanyeol asked himself for the thousandth time that week, finding support on the kitchen counter.

****

He stopped on his tracks. ‘Is it worth worrying to this extent?’

****

No, he needed to stop overthinking about every single event in his life –especially when it involved Baekhyun –or at least he needed to try it.

****

One minute later, he was back to the living room with the drinks.

****

Occupied with placing what he was carrying over the coffee table without burning his hands, Chanyeol then moved to turn on the wall sconce for better illumination.

****

That was when he saw it.

****

On Baekhyun’s hands was the figure of a small square, drawing a big shadow with the help of the low lighting, and Chanyeol just stared at the object until the right name appeared on his mind.

****

An envelope. That was it.

****

“What…” he trailed off, though he didn’t have the chance to continue speaking.

****

“It’s my turn now.”

****

Baekhyun’s shoulders weren’t shaking anymore, making him question whether the shivering had been merely produced by the cold wind or not. The boy looked calmer, happier even. But he, on the other hand, couldn’t be more confused.

****

“Your turn for…”

****

With a sheepish smile, Baekhyun took one of Chanyeol’s hands and placed the envelope over it before closing his fingers for him.

****

And staring into the other’s eyes for some moments, enjoying the intimacy it proved him and comforted him when he needed it the most, Chanyeol’s gaze laid upon the paper on his palm. In less than a second, he was opening it, discovering a long letter on the inside.

****

Suddenly, Chanyeol understood what was going on, and after looking at Baekhyun one last time to ask for consent and hearing a soft yes as an answer, he lifted the letter.

****

Taking a deep breath, Chanyeol began to read.

****

_“Dear Chanyeol…”_

****

 

****

\-------

****

 

****

Baekhyun had never felt this scared in the past 10 years.

****

There was no point in denying how much he was faking his always natural confidence when the teacher had called his name, not really inviting him to introduce himself in front of the classroom, but rather giving him an order to follow if he didn’t want to be scolded. Moving from one school to another at a young age was the nightmare of most kids, and he could understand why now that he was living it, despite having always been a carefree boy.

****

When Baekhyun gulped while looking at the new faces he was about to get familiarized with for the next couple of days, he thought of how easy it was to identify what the kids around him were thinking about his arrival.

****

Some of them were moving on the chairs, excited to learn the name of an outsider, while a few were leaning on their seats without taking their eyes off him.

****

But when his eyes started to wander around the classroom while grinning at his classmates, he spotted the head of a person facing the window instead of him.

****

He wondered, right then and there, what kind of person this kid could be.

****

 

****

“There will be some changes related to your seats today.”

****

It had been a few months later when the teacher called his name again, although this time for a different reason. Picking up his bag and the things he had over the table, he ambled towards his new seat, following the direction the older man had indicated him. And what were the odds of fulfilling his secret desire, for when the girl he would exchange seats with stood up, the face of the kid he had the curiosity of getting to know better was revealed.

****

Feeling the corners of his lips lifting, Baekhyun waved back at his new seatmate instinctively when the boy turned to look at him. Behind those round eyeglasses was the kid he had never interacted with before, the kid he had mentioned to his mom when asked about his first day on the new school. The kid called Chanyeol.

****

As he watched the wind ruffling the other’s hair, the thought of wishing to befriend him never left his mind.

****

_“Hi, I’m Baekhyun.”_

****

 

****

Meeting him had been a pleasure, he was sure.

****

After their first encounter, Baekhyun had done nothing but spent most of his time with his quiet friend. The kid his classmates didn’t make the effort of talking to was by far one of the nicest kids he had ever met. Establishing a comfortable environment had been hard when Chanyeol didn’t really speak much to him at the very beginning, but soon after Baekhyun had learned that was just the way he was. A shy and dreamy boy.

****

By sitting next to Chanyeol, Baekhyun had discovered how fun it could be to meet someone so different from him, and yet so easy to connect with, sharing little secrets he had never told to any of his other friends before. It felt natural, and little by little, he had started to anticipate what their next conversation would be about.

****

It only took him a few weeks to realize how much he cared for the other, a fact he found out after seeing Chanyeol needing his help. He had felt irritated, but it was exactly that what made him brave to protect the other from the malicious comments some of the students would make about his friend.

****

Baekhyun never told him how many times these kinds of events happened, and he never would. 

****

 

****

“You can’t imagine what we did today, mommy!”

****

Baekhyun had run all the way from the house’s door to the kitchen, smiling when seeing his mother’s back in front of the oven. Hearing him, she turned around with a grin, but her eyes weren’t shining as they always did.

****

In reality, it had been a long time since he had seen them like that. These days, he hardly ever saw her without eye bags.

****

He knew how much she loved hearing him talk about his day, so he took her by the hand, walking them to the kitchen’s chairs in the hope of lightening up her mood. “Do you want to know?” Still holding her hand, Baekhyun played with it, caressing the soft skin with his thumb, a technique she had taught him over the years.

****

She sighed, and then her smile was back. “Of course I do, Baekhyunee. I always do.”

****

The stomach ache he was feeling more and more stopped when he looked at the corners of her lips. “You see, today we were learning about jobs in English, and Ms. Judy asked us to form pairs,” he said giggling, “and a lot of my classmates started to call my name, maybe to ask me to work with them, but I didn’t want to! You know why?”

****

He waited until seeing his mom tilting her head like she always did when she was thinking.

****

“Why could it be?”

****

“Because I wanted to work with Yeollie,” he answered with a pout. “Was I rude, mommy? I promise you that was not my intention!”

****

Watching her pretty smile was relieving. Maybe, he thought, he would get to see her like that more often.

****

His hero had shaken her head before she came closer, cupping his cheeks with both of her hands. “Looking at your happy face gives me all the daily energy I need to keep going, you knew that? If Yeollie is the reason behind this happy face, then I think we could invite him here someday to thank him.”

****

The unknown feeling on his stomach was back again, yet he couldn’t understand why such a sensation only appeared when thinking of his school friend.

****

“I’m sure he’ll be glad to meet you.”

****

 

****

There was silence, and then there was rain washing his face.

****

_“Baekhyun…”_

****

His arms were moving, but he didn’t have the strength of doing so. He needed to open his eyes soon.

****

“Baby, wake up.”

****

“Mommy?”

****

Cold electricity ran through his spine, and in less than a second, he saw her teary eyes.

****

“Mommy, what’s wrong?” he asked with a small voice, afraid of saying something that could make his mom cry harder.

****

“Baekhyunee, I …” she paused to dry his tears, “think we need to go to your grandma’s house tonight.”

****

His heart was racing like crazy, his mind frozen. He wanted to ask so many questions, but he could wait a little longer for his mom’s sake. His job was to protect her now. “Okay”

****

In an old familiar house he used to visit every holiday, Baekhyun slept pressed to his mother’s chest, thinking of how empty his heart was feeling that cold night.

****

Before fatigue overcame him, he looked at the bag with his school’s clothes on the floor one last time.

****

 

****

Growing out of love could be hard, he could see. So many couples falling for each other, but in the end, life would always come in between in some kind of way, and then the love was gone.

****

Growing up feeling scared of loving could be hard too, but it was safer. When looking at toxic relationships portrayed on the media becoming well-known, and overhearing the hurtful mistakes people in love around him made, Baekhyun preferred to cover his eyes and ears.

****

Nevertheless, the hardest part of hiding his heart from the rest of the world had been to know the person he had fallen for was at the reach of his hand, yet he couldn’t reach him.

****

He had come to terms with his feelings over the pass of the years, after admiring Chanyeol from afar when he wasn’t looking so frequently, and forgetting about the meaning of gravity each time. Considering his deep secret, he had made the promise of making sure his love was safe from a distance, so whenever the boy would need him, he would be there for him in his own way.

****

Because… Chanyeol was _hope_ in his life.

****

The hope of believing in loving a person to the extent of trusting them not to hurt you.

****

Those were his feelings for Chanyeol. Such was the love he was willing to live in silence.

****

The biggest mistake, he would realize, was not stopping to think about how impossible it would be not to act on his emotions once Chanyeol decided to close the gap in between them.

****

 

****

_“Baekhyun?”_

****

 

****

\-------

****

Chanyeol felt himself like crying, overwhelmed with his emotions. He felt happy, but most of all, guilty. “I didn’t know… I’m sorry.”

****

It was weird to see how calm Baekhyun looked when he, on the other side, was trying to regulate his breathing.

****

“I never asked you to apologize to me, Yeol.”

****

Maybe it was the lightning shaping his face, but Chanyeol saw him glowing, radiating fulfillment.

****

“Chanyeol?”

****

What should he do with all that information?

****

What was he supposed to say?

****

“I know writing a letter to tell you about my feelings wasn’t the bravest idea in the world, but I put a lot of effort into my handwriting, so–”

****

The two started laughing for a while, with Chanyeol being the first one to compose himself, though there was one thing he was dying to know before thinking of all the possible paths their story could follow from now on.

****

“Can I ask how you knew, that, you know…”

****

Even if he was most likely trying to keep his cool, Chanyeol saw a subtle blush spreading on Baekhyun’s face. He seemed to be contemplating the room and the boy in front of him.

****

Tilting his head, Baekhyun smiled to himself before he gave him an affectionate look. “I’ve always felt at home with you. That’s how I knew it. And you?”

****

He was being bold, and Chanyeol wondered if he needed to copy his actions too. “I knew it when I started to get happy just by seeing you happy.”

****

He didn’t cringe at his own words, too much sincerity in them to be ashamed. He focused instead on the way Baekhyun was staring at him, for once forgetting about all the worries.

****

“Can I give you something?” Baekhyun whispered.

****

And even when Chanyeol understood what was coming, he still remained lost on the other’s eyes, barely nodding.

****

Until Baekhyun couldn’t be closer, and with eyes half-closed and feeling his breath over his own cheek, Chanyeol gave one last look at the upper corner of his lips before completely closing his eyes and kissing his love back.

****

There was no time to think about anything when feeling the soft press of Baekhyun’s lips over his.

****

Feeling Baekhyun backing up for a bit while pressing his forehead to his, Chanyeol heard the chuckle coming from his mouth, and only then did he dare to open his eyes again.

****

How could he smile when the only thing he himself could do was staring?

****

“Was that too fast?” Baekhyun sighed contentedly. “I thought I would grow old before getting to–”

****

But Chanyeol didn’t intend to let him continue because he was shutting him with a light peck a second later. 

****

 

****

That night, Chanyeol stopped daydreaming about his future for a few hours. He felt the grip of two arms tightening around his body and fell asleep to the music coming from beside him.

****

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, such fluff.  
> I can't believe I finished this fic, like, for real. It may not be the best one, but I feel proud of finally writing a story. I always wrote how much fun I had in the process, and it was true. I wanted to create a sweet love story, and I hope you can have some fun while reading it. Thank you! and if any Spanish speaker is reading this, I will probably write a short story in Spanish too.  
> Thank you again and have a nice week!


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